Two and a half years ago, my friend Debbie began to sense it was a time for a change. Her husband had been very successful in his work, but as the economy and his industry took a downturn, it was impossible to predict the future. It felt unwise to trust that work would flow as freely as it always had, or that his position would remain secure. Debbie had never worked outside of her home, but the kids were growing up and moving out. She wanted to contribute and to be proactive. She began to dream.
All eyes were on her when she stepped out to start her own business. She’d raised incredible kids and had served her community well, but with no actual business experience, everything she faced was for the first time. Everything she attempted was from square one. Facing a thousand fears and shortcomings along the way, I watched my friend begin to build something from nothing.
She rebuilt herself in the process.
From my vantage point, it was beautiful and inspiring to see. But I wasn’t the only one watching. Rumors and criticism flew all around her, behind her back and to her face.
“Evidently, they’re in pretty bad shape if she’s working.”
“She’s not built for that. I give it six months.”
“It’d be great if it worked out, but let’s be realistic…”
Those are all statements I heard early on – all from her friends. From genuine, love her, appreciate her, wouldn’t trade her for the world friends. I was dumbfounded – and even offended on her behalf. I mean, if the people you’ve invested your life in can’t find it in themselves to support you as you step out – if they can’t find a way to tangibly help – if they tear you down instead… was the friendship ever real? If not, you’re alone in ways you never even considered. And if those who know you best and love you most think you don’t have it in you, are you nuts to disagree?
Most of what was being said made it’s way back to Debbie. When I asked her how she didn’t let it discourage her, she said, “Chance, of course it discourages me. How could it not? But I’m doing it anyway. I have to. This is my road and my future – not anyone else’s.”
And she kept walking. Step by step, bit by bit, she built her business, and continues to. Less than three years later, not only is she bringing home a salary that people work their entire career to earn, she’s also employing several people and supporting others to follow in her footsteps. She’s taken a lot of pressure off her husband, and together, they’re dreaming dreams and serving in ways that seemed impossible just a few short years ago. I’ve never seen them happier, more fulfilled, or more effective.
Recently, I asked her if she could start over, knowing what she knows now, what would she do differently. She didn’t hesitate. She said, “It’s easy. I’d run with those who get it, and ignore those who don’t.”
I can’t get those words out of my mind.
“Chance, I spent so much time and energy trying to convince people I wasn’t crazy. And I spent as much time trying to convince myself I wasn’t crazy, even though they thought I was. What I know now is if someone doesn’t offer you their support, it doesn’t automatically mean they don’t love you or want you to win. It just means they don’t get it yet. That’s about them – not about you. Some people won’t get it until you’ve done it. And many times, the people you most expect to be there for you just won’t be. Don’t take it personally, and don’t waste precious time and energy trying to convince them to get on board. They’re not meant to be part of your team. Move on. Find someone who gets it. Find your team. Pour into them, and let them pour into you. Run with those who get it.”
That advice has saved me a lot of heartache. When I started this blog in January, I had no idea if anyone would read it. I had nightmares of my closest twenty-five friends and family members reading – and no one else. The truth is, some of those twenty-five haven’t gotten on board. And at another point in my life, it would have crushed me. But because of Debbie’s wise words, I fully embrace the idea that some will be on my team and others won’t… and that’s okay. It’s designed to be that way. Instead of focusing on those who don’t get it, I’m pouring into those who do, and they’re pouring even more into me.
We can try to force the people in our circle to be our team, or we can step beyond our circle and discover the team that’s waiting for us.
Friends, if you’re attempting something bigger than you’ve been, you will undoubtedly have critics attempting to keep you in your box, making sure you know your rightful place. Many times, that’s their own personal fear spilling out onto you. They can’t help but view your attempts through the lens of what they would do.
You scare them for trying.
If you’ve got critics –
It might be because you’re living an uncommon life.
It might be because you’re reaching beyond yourself and the status quo.
Your critics will refine you.
They’ll make you answer the questions that will banish your fear.
You’ll convince yourself as you convince them.
And don’t worry… They’ll understand someday.
They’ll see it once you’ve done it.
But in the meantime, run with those who get it.
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This speaks to my heart so much right now. Thank you for writing.
I’m so glad. Thank YOU for taking the time to tell me so.
**breathless** … I feel like I’ve found another part of me … you writing soooo speaks to me … but you say it so much more eloquently than I do … and I love love love that I have been led here! Blessings to you! Keep up the great work! I’ll be one who always reads your posts and supports you!
♥ Karin
Great blog! I’ve spent two years using my situation, family, and job as an excuse not to grow my business but today I decided I CAN do this and I will and this blog helps me to stop squeezing the same part of the funnel and start filling it up! Thanks!
Thank you so much Chance for this encouraging blog. God bless you!
When you get it – YOU GET IT !!
In 1983, my husband and I started a business on about $2,000 and over the years it was a joke to our families, particularly mine. As our assets grew and our lifestyle apparently prospered, we became the target of resentment which was interesting, so we sorta kept our distance from them. You will definitely find out who your friends are and are not. Family included.
That little start up of a business supported us handsomely for twenty years and was finally acquired by Illinois Tool Works in 2004. For those of you unfamiliar with ITW, they are an diversified industrial firm about 260 in the Fortune 500 and are traded on the NYSE.
Who wants to run with me now? I don’t know, but I can tell you this: First, do your own thing and be happy. Second, be a good leader. People will spot that and follow you. Third, enjoy your prosperity. In our case, whatever remains beyond our lifetimes is being willed to charity.
After all, I wouldn’t want to burden those who never supported the making of our success with any of the spoils which were derived from that success would I?
Inspiring post, Chance!
wonderful advice!
Thanks so much for reading, Gloria. I don’t think you’ve commented before. If it’s your first time, welcome. :)
Great post. Very true and well written!
Thanks so much, Rick. :)
This is some of the best advice I have ever heard. Very wise indeed! I not only need to invest myself in people who get me but I need to give this to those I don’t “get”.
This has meant a lot to me, Rachael. Glad it hits home with you, too.
This really speaks to me Chance. Thanks for voicing how it feels to step out when everyone else thinks you must be crazy to do so! Glad I took time to read this today!
Your move completely inspires me, Mark. I think about it all the time, and it makes me wanna step out, too.
Great words of life and wisdom.
Thanks for reading, Judy. Glad this post resonates with you.
Chance, thanks. It’s tough. I look forward to more of your thoughts on it. I need to break through so I need and value your advice.
Chance, what if your doubters are the ones closest to you? How do you move forward?
I think this is an important question – one that deserves more words than I can use in this space… I’ll tackle this in a later post. But one thing I would say is no one is closer to you than you. You have a responsibility to yourself, God and your calling first and foremost. The rest of us, no matter who we are, are next in line. That’s not to say that aren’t very real responsibilities and obstacles to deal with for many of us, but they must be overcome. I don’t know your exact circumstances, but I can think about several people in my life who might share MANY of your obstacles. From critical family members to overbearing parents to children who need extra care… I could go on… For all of them and the rest of us – sometimes we have to reach out for our callings IN SPITE OF our circumstances or (lack of) support groups. It’s even harder when the resistance is coming from those who are closest to you – I’m not minimizing that. But they could VERY EASILY become our reason/excuse for not stepping out to become who we were created to be… We just can’t let that happen.
Please subscribe if you haven’t – or check back later. I’m gonna write about this once I’ve reached beyond the surface of your question. I’m sure you represent a ton of other people who feel similarly. I want to really think on this. Thank you for a GREAT question. Bottom line – YOU are responsible for you. You’ve got to find a way around or through your obstacles… More later. :)
I just wanted to thank you once again for your wonderful blog! I am on your team! I truly enjoy reading your blogs and sharing them with others. Your thoughts and stories really keep me thinking about my journey and how I want to use my time. I too have struggled for the past several years trying to get a small home business going.My focus has been on my friends and family(those closest to me) but they don’t get it,they discourage me and it has kept me from moving forward with it.So all this time I just needed to focus on those around me,including strangers, that do get it and forget the others.Which then would create opportunities for new relationships and a growing business! Rethinking my steps..thank you!
Inspiring words about a great woman, Chance. Thanks for sharing!
Thanks for reading, Tyler. :) I checked out your site. VERY cool to see what you’re doing. It’s obvious you’re doing great things.
Chance,
We all need these words at some point, but they are most poignant to personally know you and know Debbie. You have captured the essence of her giving and humble spirit. We all might learn great things from this Godly woman, just as we learn great things from your words that you share here to lift others up. Words are mighty things: they can tear people down or lift them up. People grow into better people with your every word. Keep on inspiring, teaching and sharing.
Thank you so much, Karen. These are very kind words. You’ve lifted me up today.
As one who is standing at the crossroads (literally), Debbie’s words of “run with those who get it” have never rang more true. Many if us face huge obstacles; some may be from the very people who claim to be on our team. But you are so right. Their lens does not have to be my lens. God will be there as I choose the right path.
Great post, Chance! It reminds me of Christ delivering deep sacred messages and saying, “…for those who have ears to hear…”
Thanks, Dan. I appreciate you taking the time to read it… “for those who have ears to hear”… Sure do hope my ears are wide open and I’m able to hear whatever’s coming my way. Makes ya wonder what life would be if you could (would) hear it all.
Wise. Painfully, incredibly wise. What words today, Chance!
Thank you, my friend. I’m so glad they moved you. I hope they encouraged beyond the initial sting. I need the scoop.
Chance, how can I ever thank you enough for your encouragement and support in my journey. Your words have brought so much freedom to me and so many of my friends, and they continue to inspire all of us!!! You are” that friend” that we ALL need to have in those moments and I am BEYOND thrilled that you have followed your dreams so I can “share you” much love to you and yours.
from the Bannisters!
Thank you, Debbie, for living a life that is worthy to be written about. You continue to inspire me, and I’m so glad that a small piece of your story is out in the world beyond your reach, planting seeds in people you’ll never even meet, but who need to hear it.
Thank you – for your friendship and for being so open on this incredible road you’re on.
Oh, how I needed to read this. I haven’t heard my close friends speak negative words to my face but I can hear it in the tone of their voices as I am stepping out to follow a huge dream. Thanks for posting this Chance.
I’m so glad you were encouraged! Yes, I’ve felt that sting. I know it well. We could list a hundred reasons to follow your gut. You must. There can be wisdom in the counsel of those who know us well, but if it drips with sarcasm and judgement, chances are you’re onto something… People have no idea how easily they damage with their words and tone. Good luck to you as you continue to pursue the whisper in your heart.
This post speaks to me as I’m one of those who usually gets discouraged when people I consider to be my friends choose not to support me in something I do. To tell the truth, I’ve always got critics for the way I live and for my choices so I guess I kind of got used to it. I even was criticized for not cussing like other people in my town do. :) Thanks for encouraging us all to keep trying to make a difference in our lives.
I’m sure it’s very difficult. I have a friend who lives in Denmark. When she visited us here, she said it was so surprising that people locked eyes and smiled when they passed each other on the street. She said people would think she was a crazy person if she did that back home. But she left vowing that she would… she said it made her happier.
Keep it up, Anna-Emily. You have no idea how profoundly you’re affecting those you meet. I’ve seen it here – you’re sunshine.
Thank you so much, Chance! I’ll keep it up, that’s for sure.
So thankful to be running with you and you with us!
I’m thankful to be running with you, my friend. Grateful for and proud of you.
You hit the nail on the head when you said “Many times, that’s their own personal fear spilling out onto you. They can’t help but view your attempts through the lens of what they would do.” It’s hard to not let our own fears spill onto others. Thank you for reminding me that I need to show support always, even if I’m the one who’s scared! And thank you for your beautiful, inspirational words which speak to my heart every time.
Very cool that you see your fear… That’s a huge step to overcoming it.
Thank you for this insight, and for your very kind words.
The earlier in life you learn this, the better. I’m betting there are dozens of people who are going to be encouraged to race until they win because of this post, Chance.
Chance! This is so sooo good.
Thanks so much, Rachel. I appreciate you reading and your encouragement.
Perfect Chance…always PERFECT!! What a wonderful, inspiring message! Thanks!!
Thank you, dear friend.
Thank you Chance.
Jim… thank YOU… for a hundred things I could name.