When I was a kid, I dreaded shopping for a gift for my Dad, especially for Father’s Day. What do you get a Dad anyway? Even the stores struggle to come up with good ideas. Asking him for a list of things he might like doesn’t help either. “Don’t waste the money. I don’t need anything.” He means it too. He’s already got a big screen tv and a garage. What else is there?
It might be the thought that counts, but you can’t wrap thought up in a box. So if you’re like me, you spend hours looking for the perfect gift only to realize it’s futile and give up. In the end, you find yourself in the tie department at Macy’s, hating yourself along with the rest of the tie-giving kids.
For years, I didn’t understand how someone could genuinely not need or want anything. But now that I’m a Dad myself, I totally get it. And if there was any lingering question left in me, my three year old drove it home last week when she gave me the greatest gift a child could ever give their father.
The girls and I were straightening up the house while Jen was at the grocery store. I put a load of towels in the washer and when I turned around to leave, Emmy was standing in the doorway. She didn’t say anything. She just looked up at me with sweet, “please hold me” eyes and reached out her arms. When I picked her up, she put her head on my shoulder and snuggled in close. We hugged in silence for a while. Then, in a quiet little voice, Emmy said, “Daddy…I love you.”
It felt different than most “I Love You’s” I get. It was as genuine as they come and it stirred my heart.
“You do? Tell me why.” I could see her wheels turning as she searched for the right words.
“Because… you’re beautiful.”
I laughed to myself. “You think so? What’s beautiful about Daddy?”
She sat up and said, “I like your beautiful shirt and your hair…and all the stuff you’re made of.” She smiled a quiet little smile, then laid her head back on my shoulder. We stood there again in silence for a minute more. Then she said something I’ll remember for the rest of my life. “Daddy, when I was still in heaven, I wished for a Daddy like you.”
Words fall short. What do I even say about that? My heart is melting all over again even typing the words.
Maybe it shouldn’t have meant so much to me, but it did. My heart swelled and hasn’t come down in the week since. It was a perfect, magical moment with my baby girl. She gave me a gift only she could give…one that did me a kind of good I can’t even fully explain.
Father’s Day is just days away. If you haven’t already, you’ll soon be running to the mall or jumping online in search of the perfect present. On behalf of all fathers, I’d like to deliver a message to anyone who has a Dad or is married to one.
If we want to read a book, we’ll buy it. We don’t need another shirt, but if we did, we’d go get one. There’s not much we want that we can’t get on our own. But there’s one gift we long for that you alone can give – and you won’t find it at Brookstone.
Want to make this the best Father’s Day ever?
Tell your Dad you love him.
Then tell him why.
Be genuine – and specific.
Use words, not stuff.
Speak from the heart.
Make a moment of it.
Thank him for the work he’s done and the sacrifices he’s made for your sake.
Thank him for the best of what he’s planted in you.
Tell him you’d have chosen him if you could have.
Tell him why he’s beautiful…and that you love all the stuff he’s made of.
Inside the heart of your father and most every man you know is a little boy who wrapped a towel around his neck and pretended he was Superman. We grow older and abandon our dreams to fly, but we never quite lose the hope that we can save the day. We spend our whole lives chasing our moment of glory, trying to build something bigger than ourselves, something that will leave a mark on the world. Then one day, hopefully sooner than later if we’re lucky, we realize that…it’s you. You are our legacy. You are our reason why. You’re directly tied to our purpose…and therefore, our self worth. So you won’t find what we want at the mall. We want your words. We want your time. We want to know that we matter to you…and we wanna know why.
Some of you reading this may be estranged from your fathers. If a bridge can be built, maybe today is the day to begin to build it. If that’s not possible, take this opportunity to celebrate the men who have stood in your father’s place, bringing healing to your heart and investing their lives in you.
This year, give the Dads in your life something they can’t give themselves.
Ditch the tie.
Write a letter.
Have a conversation.
Love your Dad?
Tell him…with words you’ve never used before.
On behalf of all fathers, I can assure you, there’s no greater gift.
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I cried all the way through while reading this, and am still crying now. Almost two months ago, my Dad was given two months to live. I told him then that he was a great father and how much he means to me. He’s still with us, so I am definitely going to do this again, but in written form so I can actually get the words out. I will also do this for my husband, and ask our daughter to do the same. As this Father’s Day has gotten closer, I have become more emotional, knowing this will probably be the last one for my Dad, and feeling a little dread because of it. Now I have a purpose. Thank you!
Thanks for sharing this I wrote a letter several years ago but feel the need to do it again as I argued with my dad and for a while did not have anything to do with him. We are working on our relationship.
Great, Lindsay! You don’t have to be false, or pretend things are other than how they are. But acknowledging that he means enough that you won’t give up on him – and thanking him for not giving up on you either…That will mean so much to him.
I agree. Very good present for father’s day. When it comes out from your heart, what a great gift!
“Daddy, when I was still in heaven, I wished for a Daddy like you.”
My son said something very similar to me last year. He told me that while he was in Heaven he was sitting on God’s lap (playing God’s iPad..because God is our Father and good dad’s let their kids play with iPads.haha) and he told Him that he wanted me to be his mommy. I still can’t help but cry when I think about it. These children are precious…
And on the Father’s Day note, I write my parents a letter at every holiday. There isn’t much that they want and I don’t like being superficial. If they want something that I know about I will buy it, but it always comes along with a very heartfelt letter. I have done this at Christmas, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, my graduation day (high school and college) and my wedding day and I plan to continue writing them. Every now and then I catch one of the letters framed and hanging on a wall at my parents’ house. Nothing better :)
“Daddy, when I was still in heaven, I wished for a Daddy like you.”
Wow, you are one lucky man! But I believe it must be something you do as a dad that made the difference. Well done!
I couldn’t agree more, Mark. I’m the luckiest man I know. Sincerely. I hope I’m doing some things right – I’m certainly trying to do my very best I can for my kids and my wife. But even my best efforts are in response to what I’ve been given.
Simple and profound. You blew the fog off my thoughts and uncovered my heart. :-). Happy Fathers Day, Chance.
Beautiful words. Thanks, Beau. SO good to hear from you! I hope life is being good to you. It’s been so long!
Thanks for sharing this! Been having a hard time thinking of a gift and you gave me the best idea! :) i almost cried reading this. :)
So glad to hear it…that I gave you a good idea – not that you almost cried. ;) Nice to meet you!
Hi Chance, what a challenging post. I’ll be having a heart-to-heart talk with my dad tomorrow. These are hard to have. But so worth it in the end.
Yep…hard to have, but absolutely worth it. Good for you.
Beautiful post and sharing. I’ve had these moments, enough I feel to be the wealthiest guy on the planet. But thanks for the reminder and call out to fully embrace and rest in these. And…to try and give them to my own earthly father.
I didn’t know of you till a moment ago, from a retweet by Michael Good.
Nice to meet you, Kevin. Great comment and insight! I’m looking forward to getting to know you better!
Chance, beautiful. I just changed my father’s day plans. Thanks.
That makes me so happy, Michael! I hope it goes great! (I think it will.) Also, thanks for the tweet today! Much appreciated. :)
Yes, thoughts and words have more power than anything material.
:)
The truth of the sages from a child. Their words could melt a heart of stone. Maybe that’s what why God allowed us to have them. To know love and to be love to them. Thanks Chance.
Chance-
Love your post. I happened to do exactly what you recommended in my own blog post. I sent it to my dad before publishing it, and he loved it:
http://encuruj.com/2013/06/14/lifes-been-good-to-me-so-far/
-Bob
Thanks, Bob. Checking out your post now. :)
Hi Chance. You don’t know me but we have known your in-laws for many years, I could not stop crying while reading this. It has been two years this July since I lost my Dad and there are so many regrets for the things I never said to him. He was the best, most loving and kind Dad a girl could ever want. I was blessed to have him for 58 years and I just hang onto the knowledge that I will see him again,
Thanks again for your words.
Ellen
Thank you for writing, Ellen. You know this somewhere down in your heart…He knew. Of course we all wish we could say it all and say it over and over once we’ve lost our parents. You feel the loss in small ways every single day. But in 58 years, you can rest assured you made your case. Love is bigger than words. He knew…and he knows.
Thank you for these imporatnt comments. My heart is overflowing with inspiration to express to my 87 year old Father my love, appreciation, and honor for His being Father to 13 of us. he worked hard and was home every night with us! Your word impacted my heart, along with your challenge, for which I am grateful thank you sir. May you have a wonderful Father’s day!
I’m so grateful to have given you a little nudge. Leave nothing unsaid. Say it all. He’ll LOVE it! Nothing would bless him more.
We don’t have a holiday like Father’s Day in Russia but it’s my father’s birthday today so it’s the right time to follow your wise advice. The moment with Emmy is absolutely priceless. It’s amazing how a little child can teach so many people what this life is all about. Thank her from me please.
Sweet, Anna-Emily. Thank you. Yes, I learn from her and her sister every single day. It’s like we forget something important as we grow up and older.
Wow… You killed it! I love that great communicators like you have the gift of putting into words what the rest of us know to be true but are unable to articulate. Totally love this post.
:) Thanks, my friend. :)
Now I can’t wait to call my dad on Saturday and tell him all the things he’s been dying to hear. And to think I was going to buy him that stupid-looking expensive hat when all he wants from me is free and comes straight from the heart. Tell Emmy I said “thank you”.
THIS MAKES ME HAPPY! I’m not saying he wouldn’t like to have the hat. But what he’ll remember is your words and the way they make him feel.
Well, I’m happy to report that he gushed throughout our Skype conversation yesterday. It was truly a heartfelt moment and I’m sure he went to bed feeling very good about himself. BTW, I got him the hat and it was a size too big:) Again, thanks for this post. Fathers tend to get a bad rap and I’m just glad to be blessed with a dad like mine.
:) :) :)
Dear Pop,
It has been a very long couple of weeks for me and there have been many days where I felt like giving up. Of course I know you’re shaking your head right about now and thinking to yourself…not my baby girl…she’s way to strong for that….I’m sure you’re thinking of how strong I am and how I never stop and am always reaching for the stars. Well Pop, I’m a bit tired right now and am unsure of where to turn at times. I watched a movie last Saturday and found myself straight balling…I had to excuse myself from my partner and go into the bathroom and let it out…you know I hate crying and have not done so in years….but it was my mental exhaustion and feeling of nowhere to turn that had to come out. You might be asking yourself what can be possibly wrong since I seem to be headed in the right direction…well…I’m starting to wonder why is all the hard work not paying off…I’m wondering if this is where I should be….I wonder if I am even appreciated as a mother when all I try to do is the right thing…It’s lonely pop, because all I try to do is instill the best in my daughter, my life, and it stills seems like I don’t do anything right…I wish I had better support from my mother but hey….Pop, I miss you…Pop I love you…You will always be my world because you understand me more than anyone could ever understand…we always talked about everything and that kept me grounded….even when you disagreed you explained to me why you did and from that I learned another way to look at things….I may be frowned upon for being such a stickler but I don’t think it’s that bad because in the end many people say that I am a great person…and it is all because of you….if I had one wish, I would wish that I could hug you when I’m down…I wish that we could have our Sunday lunches, or breakfast and just talk lovingly to each other….you made things better…you taught me to be kind and reasonable and that goes a long way….and many reasons why…I never struggled with what to get you because telling you how much I love you was enough….I knew that there was no material thing that could ever replace the words that came out of my mouth, or the Sunday lunches….I am who I am because of you….I love you Pop and I miss you….you will always be my other half….and although you are in a better place….my other half is still empty…..I’m sure time will heal this pain….but I must be real….there is not one day that I don’t miss you and wish you were here. Father’s Day will always be hard…but I wish every daughter and son in this world would cherish their Father’s because they are GREAT HUMAN BEINGS and irreplaceable….Love Always- Tanisha
Beautiful words from a beautiful heart. Thank you for sharing with all of us.
Chance, week to week I look forward to your articles and this is one of my favorites. The title of Father is my proudest commodity. The words of my kids are what I can reflect on in quiet times, their innocence and undying love. Thanks again.
Thank YOU, Scott. I really appreciate your very kind words.
Such wonderful words Chance. Thanks for taking the time to write your words of insight on a regular basis.
Blessings-
Dennis
They’re just words on a page until someone reads them. Thank YOU, Dennis, for continuing to show up for them.
I tried to tell Daddy every chance I got, especially as he got older (and of course, so did I). I loved your words, Chance. I’m thinking your girls are some of the lucky ones.
I miss him…one of a kind, that man.
Thank you, Sara. I feel like I’m the lucky one. I only hope I rise up to meet the responsibility of loving them well. They’re both so special. It feels like I’m shepherding two very important little people.
WOW! I am undone! She’s right, Chance. You are beautiful. One if the most beautiful people I know.
Heart = Smiling
Thank you, dear friend.
That was very touching. I recall our son when he was 3 also saying “I saw you before I was born and I chose you and dad” ….these moments amaze me! Thank you for reminding about that beautiful memory :)
That’s a VERY special memory! I sure do hope it’s true. Wouldn’t it be amazing if it happened that way? I love the thought of it…Thank you for commenting. I’ll remember this one.
AND by the way, I think this might be your first time commenting. If so, thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it. Very nice to meet you!
Thank you for figuring it out. I am a dad. I have pretty much all I need, and I could never give a rational answer when asked what kind of gift I would like. I thought I was odd, or cold or disinterested – I wanted to want something really badly. But there was honestly nothing I needed. Until I read this blog.
Me too…until I wrote it. :)
Thanks, Johnny. You expressed something so many of us feel.
WOW! STRAIGHT FROM THE HEART, TO THE HEART!!!
Thanks so much, Chance. And now that I read “girls”, they’re invited…. and you see we’re ‘new’.
Have THE MOST BLESSED FATHER’S DAY EVER!!!
:) I owe you an email. I loved every word of it. Just need to find some time and quiet. :)
Great “words”, Chance. This is definitely one worth sharing!
THANK YOU, Cheryl. :)
Oh Chance, this is beautiful, and what a treasure your little girl is. Your words always touch my heart and leave me smiling.
Thank you so much. I sincerely appreciate the encouragement.
Yes, she is a treasure. They both are, truly.
Yes, you truly spoke in our names. Yes that’s what every father need
Thanks, Ali. It’s time the kids know, right?