Yesterday, I was working a puzzle with my three year old daughter, and we came across a challenging piece. It definitely belonged in our fragmented picture, but where? Jalen decided she knew and began trying to cram the piece not in the sky where it belonged, but in the middle of what would later become a house. It sort of connected on one side, but wasn’t lining up on the other. She grew impatient when it didn’t easily fall into place, and began hammering it with her hand – stuffing it, wedging it, almost willing it into the place she wanted it to go. And it worked. Somehow, she manipulated it into a spot that was almost right, but still fully wrong for it.
It wasn’t created for that part of the puzzle.
It would never fit.
How many of us are doing the same thing? Are we contorting ourselves into places we just don’t belong? Do we grow impatient when we don’t find our place as quickly and easily as we’d like? Have we made up our minds that this IS the place we’re supposed to be, and we’ll do whatever we’ve got to do to make it work, no matter what? Are we spending our life away in work and friendships that aren’t a right fit for us?
Why are we settling? Maybe it’s that we’re scared. At least we understand this wrong place. At least it’s familiar. It’s not so bad – we can make it work. Plus, where would we even start searching for something new? And when? We don’t have any extra time. We’ve already looked, and asked, and hoped. We can’t catch a break. It’s not supposed to be this hard…
And so we settle.
Jalen picked up another piece ready to move on, but before she could, the puzzle rebelled and the piece popped out. I asked her to take a look and see if maybe it should go somewhere else. She looked again, and this time she saw something she hadn’t seen before. She laughed and said, “Daddy, that was so silly. It goes in THE SKY!”. It took her a while, but when it slid into place, something inside me took great satisfaction in finding the perfect fit.
I was struck by how ‘right’ it all seemed now as opposed to when we were forcing it. When the piece found its ‘home’, it did what only it could do. Not only that, it helped make a way for the pieces that would follow. Until it was home, the rest of the puzzle would have been askew as well, most especially the pieces directly surrounding it.
One by one, we set the pieces in proper order. Step by step, we put together what was once a mystery to us. And when it was done, it was beautiful. It was perfect. As the picture came into full view, I realized all over again that as each piece worked together, they created something more beautiful than any of them were on their own.
I know life isn’t always easy and clear. Some people I love dearly have been fervently searching for years, but still feel lost or stuck. I’ve got some questions of my own. This isn’t easy stuff… But let’s make a deal with each other to keep searching and asking. And even more, let’s keep doing something that feels like it could be right in the meantime. Let’s not join the masses as they sit down and give up. Let’s not settle for less than our perfect fit.
Question – Are you in your rightful place? If so, how do you know, and how did you find it? If not, what are you doing today to find it?
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I remember about around 6 months ago I was setting on my couch struggling with some stuff and feeling really weary of where I was emotionally. I just remember thinking inside “I don’t belong here any more” I have to make some moves. I have often felt like I have been trying to make things fit that just don’t and the more I try the more frustrated I get. I don’t journal so that night I wrote a song called “Don’t Belong Here” which helped me work through some things …thank God for musical expression
Yes, music is one of my outlets too. So often, it helps us to find the words we couldn’t easily speak. Thanks for reminding us…. AND I’m glad you made some moves. :)
I so love reading your posts. Sometimes I find reflections of my own thoughts in them and I think to myself those thoughts must be right if they come to more than one mind. As for this particular post, reading and rereading it helps me to remember not to give up. I’ve been looking for my place in this world for what seems forever. On this way of searching I found two things that are definitely right for me – those are singing and writing. Everything in the world seems perfectly right when I sing or write. So I guess I must admit I got stuck in my current job, that is teaching, and move on with my life.
You are one of the lucky ones, Anna Emily. If you can name the thing that feels right when you do it, you are on your right path. There are seasons to life. When you’re young, you’ve got to piece it together however you can. The thing that you don’t realize in the moment is that it’s ALLLL for a reason. It’s all teaching you something you’ll need in the future – even the pain, even the boredom. For example, I was a waiter in and after college for 3 years. I thought there was seemingly nothing good for me in it. It was ‘just a job’ – I was a ‘really meant to be’ singing. I’ll tell you this, though… I look back on that season now, and I see how incredibly valuable it actually was in terms of my character and people skills. I’m not sure anything else in my life has taught me some of the lessons I learned in that restaurant… though I hate to admit it.
The key is to NOT GET STUCK. Yesterday so easily turns into today. Today so easily turns into tomorrow. A problem most of us struggle through is interrupting the pattern we’ve created. We get stuck. We settle in – and then we feel so far away from what feels right that we don’t know how to get there.
The thing I’ve learned about that is that it’s best to make small, consistent changes. You can’t do it ALL today – but you can do SOMETHING today – and to not lose months or even years of your life, you must! Most people live life reactively. You can’t do that… You have to steer the ship. Most people think what should happen will happen. I’m not sure I agree. I have too many examples in my life of people who should have done so and so… I think finding our true purpose is conditional, not automatic. It requires a lot of work and struggle and action from us.
BUT, rest in the fact that if you’re doing the work, if you’re pursuing your purpose on a VERY CONSISTENT basis, then even the things of today that seem unconnected to your real purpose are really important stepping stones.
Thanks for the reply, Chance. Yes, my current work does look like a stepping stone when you put it this way. Teaching and working with different kinds of people has already taught me a couple of valuable lessons. I’ve met some very special people since I started teaching. So I’ll keep in mind what you said about making consistent changes and I’ll keep trying to go the way that feel right to me.
I love these quotes – it’s helped me a ton.
We can’t do everything at once, but we can do something at once.
also
We can’t destination overnight – but we can change our direction overnight.
Hey Chance,
Right now I feel like a puzzle piece that’s not only in the wrong spot, but is a part of the wrong puzzle, and I don’t really know where to begin to fix the problem… I struggle with thinking that this is it. Fear of reality, i.e. bills and responsibility, keep me continuing to try to force (settle) into the wrong spot of the wrong puzzle. Any suggestions would be welcomed with gratitude.
Todd, thank you for your honest and vulnerable words. I think you voiced what so many of us have felt at times. I’m sorry that it’s your season to walk this road… I’ve walked it myself. I have so much I want to say. Know that I’m carrying your story and frustration with me, and you will find my hope and help for you in posts to come. The one thing I want to tell you today is that it may be true that you can’t change your life today… but you can change SOMETHING today. And you must. You can’t do it all, but you can do something. And something the next day. And the next. For those of us who are fathers and husbands and aren’t independently wealthy, responsibility is calling. But just because you have some very real obstacles DOES NOT MEAN that we are meant to settle. You will find your way piece by piece… Here’s the good news… The day you stop settling – the day you stop forcing it – the day you truly pursue the thing you were created for… is the day when it all begins to turn around for you. In terms of happiness, fulfillment AND provision for your family.
If not for you (which is plenty reason enough), do it for your family.
Small, but DAILY steps.
Thanks Chance,
I appreciate your wisdom. God grant me the courage to apply it…
I am enjoying your posts immensely, Chance. There is a great deal of wisdom in what you say. I did find my “right place” when I found Matt, and if I could say anything to the young people it would be “don’t be impatient, wait for what is right.” I got a lot of those usual “why aren’t you married” questions and some “what’s wrong with her” (mostly uttered behind my back). I knew I would rather be alone than spend my life with the wrong man…so I waited. One day, when I was fully ready, God put Matt in front of me. I have never looked back from that decision. Life has not been easy, but it has been shared with love and respect.
Great thoughts Chance. I see this so often (in my own life and in those I pastor).
Doesn’t fit the puzzle analogy perfectly, but I’ve also seen plenty of people who might be the right fit for a situation refuse to be the piece they were designed to be because of fear and insecurity. Because others push back and that triggers their shame and discouragement. Just because it’s uncomfortable doesn’t always mean it’s wrong.
Sometimes we are undoubtedly trying to put our piece in the wrong place. But sometimes I think we’re just afraid of fully embracing the piece of the puzzle we were designed to be.
Keep up the great posts my friend.
Thanks so much for your comment, Eric. “Just because it’s uncomfortable doesn’t always mean it’s wrong…sometimes I think we’re just afraid of fully embracing the piece of the puzzle we were designed to be.” I wrote about this in my draft, but took it out to keep the word count down. Very glad you mentioned it here.
I, too, love your analogy!
Right now I seem to be in a place of transition, and I’m picturing my life as the puzzle…which takes a really long time to complete. My piece is currently in the foreground, fitting all nice and snug, but will transition to a new location and eventually find the place that is (again) just the right fit. That placement is shaped by the gifts that God has given and the current road that He has me on.
Thanks so much for sharing your insights!!
Beautiful words…
Great post! My experience is that I have been the right puzzle piece for the proper place several times in my life, but I either worked myself out of jobs or had some sort of redirection. I fully believed that I was in the right place for THAT time. I’m learning though that while I may be in the right place, that sometimes finding the fit can be work. It’s never been an easy sliding into place with me. I’m never handed anything and I’m grateful for that. I think it can be a shock when we expect things to fall into place, but we are met with the reality that we will have to exert effort and get over hurdles. Sometimes effort required can confuse us into thinking perhaps we are in the wrong place. I have struggled with that time to time. Now, I realize that obstacles may be part of the process of finding my place. I guess there is some fine line here. When does obstacle signal an ill fit and when does it propel you forward in whatever you are doing? I dunno. Sometimes you gotta risk failure, and step out.
Kim, you just voiced what so many of us feel and experience. Thank you!! ….” When does obstacle signal an ill fit and when does it propel you forward in whatever you are doing?” Who can know for sure, but I think there’s a knowing inside. When I think back to the times in my life when I moved from one thing to a new thing – one day something was right, the next it was wrong. Then it would take me some time to find the next right thing. But in the interim, there was a certain stirring and restlessness. Obstacles are a part of life… but when we’re in the right place, most of the time we can deal with the obstacle… The ill fit is apparent to me when I’m dealing with work or people who do nothing to make me ‘more of me’. When I’m spending my time instead of investing my time, I need to take a second look. You agree?
I like how you say spending vs investing. Perfect way to put that ands I agree.
Boy did this speak to me. Now what to do about the message it sent to me. Gave me SO much to think about. Thanks again for your words. I so enjoy reading your words.
Whatever you decide to do, don’t just put it out of mind. That’s what most of do… But if it really is speaking to you, there’s something more for you out there.
Fascinating……..puzzle pieces………..! I’ve felt that I’ve always been a piece that had never found the right puzzle. All the puzzles around me were oh, so very close, and it looked as if it was where I should belong, but alas, I was wrong! :-) Sometimes my own passion to contribute in a great way to situations (puzzles), I did the very thing Jalen did by shoving her intentions on the others (the pieces) around her. It can work for a season but the pressure points do give way after a while!!
That is where I landed last year and my season was 5 years, a very long 5 years!! Even though I believe I’m in the right puzzle this time, only time will tell. This time I believe I am that one piece that you know goes in the sky, but, until the rest of the pieces get laid down, I really can’t see how and in what part of the sky I’ll actually fit. I am just walking in the knowledge that I am a piece of the sky just waiting for those to come along side me and fill in the rest. Not everyone is this kind of piece to their puzzle, that’s what is so amazing about all of our journeys to find the right puzzle to fit in.
Thanks Chance for this great analogy!! It is an obvious but forgotten way to look our lives and the purposes we are called to!!
Love you and how the Lord is using you!!
“I did the very thing Jalen did by shoving her intentions on the others (the pieces) around her. It can work for a season but the pressure points do give way after a while!!” Yes, Cyndie – I think we’re all guilty of this. Thanks for giving voice to it.
The cool thing to me is, as long as you’re SEARCHING and not disengaged, you’re on the right path. It’s when we abdicate our choice, and choose the wrong thing that happens to be in front of our face that we get off track. If that’s true, then you’re right where you should be (in my opinion).
Thanks, friend! I surely walk in that hope!
Chance! GREAT writing – and such a GREAT message. I, too, will be pondering this all day. I believe that I am only half way in my perfect fit and I am waiting for the other side of my piece to get connected. What is interesting is that in putting together a group puzzle with a group effort, we also wait for the others to place their pieces down… I am still waiting, but growing in the wait.
“…we also wait for the others to place their pieces down.” YES!!! And strangely, others are waiting for us to place OUR pieces. So often we feel like we’re waiting… I wonder if that’s true as often as we think… Maybe someone (and life) are waiting on us to make the move.
Wow, I love this post! Thank you, Chance! That’s a really great analogy. It reminds me that often times with harder puzzles, you can’t tell if it’s a true fit without trying it. You might know that it goes in the sky, but you have no idea where. The only way to find the spot is to keep trying. It can be a fine line between trying and forcing, but that balance is so important… I’ll be thinking about this all day. Thanks
“You can’t tell if it’s a true fit without trying it. You might know that it goes in the sky, but you have no idea where. The only way to find the spot is to keep trying.” YES, Kevin. Thanks for adding this point for us. The thing is, so many of us stop once we know we’re meant to be in the sky. Why in the heck can’t we find our place in the sky?? More often than not, it’s because we give up trying. This isn’t meant to be easy. There are so many places in the sky to fit. We’ve got to find OURS – and that may take some time. But IF we keeping genuinely seeking, we WILL find.
SO good Chance! Yes, I feel I’m in my right place but it took a lot of prayer and trust and honestly, pain in the process of finding that fit. It’s easy to settle. It’s hard to jump off that cliff in faith that the parachute is going to open. It’s even harder to believe God said to jump in the first place…but when you have confirmation from the important sources: the Word, God’s peace, affirmation from friends & people who really know you/look out for you, it’s worth the risk of saying yes. You were one of those friends for me…and I thank you for it. :)
Thank you, Debi. I’m always in your corner.
Yes, pain and grief are unwanted, but irreplaceable contributors. I think they make us sensitive to hear the whisper in our hearts because they make us tender like nothing else.