I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. He’s an uncommonly gifted singer. Even among great singers, he stands out. He can’t help it. He’s just awesome.
Not wanting to be perceived as having a big ego or trying to outshine anyone, he said he sometimes dumbs himself down in order to fit in with the average ability in the room. And when you give him a compliment, he likely won’t receive your words. They’ll come back to you like a boomerang, as if he’s ordinary, and somehow YOU are the amazing one.
Read or listen – your choice!
I identify with that struggle. I think most of us who grew up in church, or in the South have it engrained in us that good hearted, polite people deflect compliments.
I like your shirt. (Oh this old thing?)
You’re so smart! (Not really – just lucky.)
You look beautiful! (Who are you looking at? I’m so fat right now!)
You have such a great voice. (Me? That means a lot coming from you! YOU have a great voice.)
Many of us have been taught that it’s wrong to consider ourselves as exceptional. How can something that’s fallen and imperfect be exceptional? That can’t be humble, right? Even worse, some have been labeled conceited and ego-driven simply because you confidently accept that you’re excellent at what you do.
Can we all just acknowledge how ridiculous that is? Where did we get the idea that being humble or meek requires a poor self-image, or pretending to be less than you are? We could do so much good if each of us would simply embrace that we’ve been granted a couple of incredible gifts, and respond by working really hard to make the most of them.
What good is it for us, or the people around us, to make our abilities less than they are? Why have we made it unsafe to be extraordinary?
As I see you growing, it awakens in me the possibilities of my own potential.
When I see you ‘owning’ your gift, it makes me want to discover and improve my own.
When I see you making the world better, it makes me consider how I might help.
When I see you advancing in success and fulfillment, it makes me want to work harder and become more than I am today.
So don’t dumb yourself down for me! I don’t want you to be smaller – I want to be better.
Let’s celebrate the brilliance in one another – and in ourselves. We’re charged to make the most of what we’ve been given, and to do so for the benefit of others. That begins with facing the facts. You’re awesome! Admitting it removes your excuses… because if you’re awesome, you’ve got something to share.
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Like you said, we all struggle with this. I have a friend who is a phenomenal bass player and widely respected as such. I paid him a compliment once about laying down a much deeper groove than another bass player (who was more of a part-time professional) and his reply was awesome. I can’t remember exactly his words but, after saying thank you, he said, essentially, “Well, I hope so. I’ve put a lot of time into what I do and work very hard at it.”
His honesty was communicated in such a matter-of-fact way with no sense of ego. It was powerful.
JOE! I love this comment. Very powerful words, especially the way he delivered them. To me, that’s true humility.
I see this often. When someone simply says “thank you” and graciously accepts the compliment, what a powerful statement. What a good reminder…but very difficult to put into practice.
My mother did me a great service in teaching me to receive a complement or gift graciously. Her teaching was that a complement is a just another form of gift from another and when you downplay or reject gifts you are really rejecting the other persons efforts and thoughtfulness. When put so simply it seems ridiculous that we all don’t understand it. I guess for some that bad stuff about oneself is easier to believe.
Thank you for sharing.