In my last post, I shared one of my favorite quotes, “A ship in the harbor is safe, but that’s not what ships are made for.” You and I are not made for the harbor either, but many of us settle for shallow waters to avoid doing the work required to live the life we were meant to live. I was stunned by the response, and I’ll be chewing on the comments and emails I received for a long while.
One email that stood out came from Lisa, who wrote, “I think it’s too late for me. I had a shot at a great life when I was younger, but I missed my chance. Now my circumstances won’t allow me to change things. My life is what it is. I’m stuck.”
Lisa wrote what most of us have felt at times, or maybe even feel now. And her letter reminded me of a pivotal conversation I had with my Mom many years ago that shapes much of my thinking today.
I was debating the possibility of making what felt like a big change. To take hold of a certain opportunity, I’d have to let go of some safe and comfortable things about my life. I’d have to trade security for the chance at something better. But if I failed, I might lose what I had to begin with. I was nervous and confused, so I’d made no choice at all. I just stood still and did nothing. As I laid out my options, Mom was only half listening. She already knew something I was about to learn.
“Can I tell you something, Chance? Looking back over my life at 58, I know some things now I wish I’d known earlier.”
“Like what?”
She paused, thinking it over, then said, “Nothing is ever as final as it looks at the time”.
“Okay… What are you thinking of specifically?”
“I could give you a lifetime of examples, but one is when you were just a kid and your Dad started his business. He asked me to join him, and I was scared to death to leave my job. It was the only secure thing in our lives, and I was afraid to give it up. It seemed reckless to me to leave a steady paycheck and benefits, especially with a young family.”
“But you did it”.
“I did it because my belief in your Dad was bigger than my fear. But trust me, my fear was still big enough to make us both miserable.” I laughed. “I’m glad he’s not here right now. Don’t tell him I said he was right.” I laughed again.
“You’ll make your share of mistakes, even if you’re careful, Chance”, she said. “The good news is, as long as you’re breathing, you’ve still got time to start again.”
(I love that. Even writing the words all these years later does my heart some good.)
“From where I’m sitting now, I see that we had plenty of time to fail and start again. Of course, at the time I felt like it was make or break. But in reality, we could have failed and started over at 30 – and failed again, and started over at 40 – and even again at 50. It doesn’t always feel like you CAN take a risk when you’re in it. But I see now that nothing is forever, even success, even failure. And more often than not, life honors bold moves… that is, assuming you’re bold, and not just stupid.”
Classic Mom.
She got quiet for a moment, and I could feel something new settling on her. “You know what else?”, she said. “I’ve been telling myself I’m too old to learn to swim for 40 years. Now how ridiculous is that? And I’ve told myself I’m too old to go back to school for 35. But even if I’d returned to school at 50, I’d have my degree and could be teaching by now if I wanted. You see? Nothing’s as final as it seems. There’s always time to start again… In fact, I might just take a few classes next semester.”
“Great – and I’ll sign you up for swimming lessons tomorrow.”
“Don’t push it, buddy.”
We were soon on to something else, but I’ve carried that conversation with me ever since. For me, it’s taken the sting out of risk, and even failure. And as I’ve thought about it over the years, I’ve come to realize that Mom and Dad did start again – and again – and again. Maybe we all do. Maybe that’s the big lesson of life.
As long as we’re breathing, we’ve still got time to start again.
You, me… and you too, Lisa.
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I love new beginnings. Maybe that is because I have never found the place that is most comfortable for me, or maybe it is because God keeps growing me and showing me new ways to be more like him. I like mornings because they are a new beginning. I like Mondays because they are a new beginning. I was a teacher for 30+ years and the beginning of school was the best of times!
Yep. I love beginnings.
What a blessing to have such a wise mom!
SO NEEDED TO HEAR THIS! Thanks for sharing!!
Great work, Chance.
All my adult life I regretted not having finished high school. Married and had my kids in my early 20’s and was busy with them until they grew up….then, at the age of 49, I decided to apply to graduate school as a special admissions student…never dreaming I’d get in!…..little did I know what God had up His mighty sleeve for me. I’ve been in school for 4 years now, and will graduate with a Masters of Divinity degree in a couple of years, with a major in counselling. After the first year, I lost my job, but God has provided for us while I continue my studies. If I can do it, anyone can. Your mom is a wise woman, Chance, it’s never too late to try!
Chance,
I hope and pray that I can be half the parent to my kids as yours were to you. You know we sure mess up our kids…..but we do plant those little nuggets! You sir are such a blessing to me. I don’t even know how to thank you for posting your blog.
Amazing!
Terri
I love this, Patsy!
About 10 years ago i did a stupid thing, causing many plans and desires to come to a halt. Now at 50 i said the same thing…”it’s too late, i screwed up and God will never use me again.” Because i made such a huge mistake that cost me much i have become paralyzed by fear and financially “stuck.” I never ventured out like before because i was too afraid it would cost me again or it was wrong in the sight of Gods eyes.
But God uses everything…even our mess. After much prayer, I decided to venture out again and take “that” risk. I am now finishing a project for the Lord and started my short-term mission trips again. I wish i could say there is no opposition or suffering, but i can’t. In fact, there is more now then ever before. This time though my fears will not hold me back even if this “project” fails. :)
If it does i’ll just start all over again!
Thanks,
Cindy
Enjoyed your blog! I have known women that went back to school in their 50’s and 60’s and taught until their mid 70’s. I put my 25 years in and walked away. Started working for a non-profit for the disabled and absolutely loved it! I retired again traveled for a few years and now I’m working for a small business. I’ll probably be working well into my 70’s and can’t think of a better way to spend my time. Your mother was right! It is never to late to start over and enjoy new things even if they are scary and nerve racking. I’ve learned that the more I’ve done the more I have learned. The exposure to new people and experiences just make you more capable of doing more, learning more, and feeling more!
“Nothing is forever” – those are wise words coming from a wise person. Thank you for sharing your mother’s inspirational words with us all. Looks like both of your parents had a rare ability of finding those words that were much needed. I didn’t know your parents of course but after reading your posts I have a feeling I did know them. Your mother’s words are something everyone needs to hear. That’s exactly what should be told to most of people in my country who believe that after they turned 40 there’s no chance for them to start again. It’s so sad when they say it’s too late for them to make a change. Now I know what to say when I hear someone saying that – “nothing is forever”.
Our mother passed us this wisdom through example. She learned to drive at 40 (when everyone had told her it was too late), she learned to type at 50 and got her first “real” job, she went into real estate in her 60s and she learned to play the organ (a lifelong dream) only a few years before we lost her. She was an amazing woman who never quit learning and growing. I still think I might write a great novel…and I have written a few just for me that aren’t “great” but might get there. I agree so much with what you (and Norma) have said here. It isn’t over until the fat lady sings…and this fat lady ain’t singing quite yet.
You , of course, have done it again!! You speak on things that are so close to so many people and how they live their lives. Certainly hits me between the eyes.
Thanks again Chance for sharing your wonderful thoughts on the conversations you have had with your Mom and your Dad.
to me the key word in lisa’s comment is ‘stuck’. i understand how she feels. those of us who seek change or hear a calling are often unable to take the first step forward, even though the path may be clear. maybe we have a spouse/partner, family or other responsibilities we feel obligated to. we want what we desire. we want to live the life we seek,but it might require leaving others behind. the pain of knowing we’re disrupting the lives of another is a heavy burden for some. heavy enough to keep us where we are. but hey! it’s okay to change. we can and do fall out of love. what worked for us in our 20’s, 30’s, 40’s, etc. may not be working for us now. .
to lisa: honey, you haven’t missed your ‘chance’ at all. it’s here and it’s waiting for you to hop on and go for the ride! go for it!
This reminds me of a documentary I watched called “Into the Void” about a man who fell into a huge crevasse and was left for dead, but found his way out and survived against all odds. He said he realized at one point that he needed to keep making decisions, even if they were wrong. Making decisions and moving on in life always beats standing still paralyzed by fear and indecision. Well-written, Chance.
Actually, the documentary was called “Touching the Void.” Incredible drama available on Netflix instant watch…
Caleb… I mean Chance, I love this. So right, so true. We can grind ourselves to the ground trying to make the “perfect” decision on what to do or not to do. The truth that your mom shared with you (and you with us) is so freeing! We don’t have to be afraid of failure or anything else. As long as we are breathing, we have time to try again. Love it!
A friend of mine sent me a text saying: Read Chance Scoggins, he wrote something just for you today.
I thought, yeah, uh, right. And here it is – just for me (or feels that way)
As long as we’re breathing, we’ve still got time to start again.
Amen.
Well done Chance!!!! Loved it! Thanks for passing on the wisdom from your mother! :-)
You inspire me, Chance. EVERY time. Thank you. Stay at it! (And come see me!)
Beautiful. And much needed. Thank you.