“Who do you think you are?”
If I’m quiet and still, I can still remember the sting of those words the first time they were hurled at me.
I was in the sixth grade. I’d seen an audition notice from a local community theater in the paper. They were doing “Bridge To Terabithia” and were looking for kid actors. Awesome, I thought. I’m a kid – I’m perfect for that! I also loved the book, especially the main character, Jesse. So for the next two weeks, I read the book twice and convinced myself that fate was at work. The part was mine.
Two Saturdays later, I woke up excited, nervous and ready for my audition. My mom drove me and sat in the back as I filled out the forms and waited my turn in the long line to check in. When it was my turn, I handed the sheet to the woman behind the desk and smiled.
“Name?”
“Chance Scoggins.”
“Hello, Chance Scoggins. I need your headshot.” Her hand was reaching out.
“Headshot?” She looked up at me for the first time.
“You do have a headshot and resume…”
“What are those?”
She looked off to the side, annoyed, and rolled her eyes to herself (but not to herself at all).
“Okay. What role are you reading for?”
“Jesse.”
“Of course you are.” I remember the smirk on her face because it was the first time I’d experienced an adult stranger being rude to me on purpose.
“Did I do something wrong?”
She looked up from her scribbling. “You’re in way over your head, kid. This is a real theater company with real actors. It’s not a school play. You have no experience and you want to read for the lead? Who do you think you are?”
She handed me a number, told me to put it on my shirt and wait for my name to be called. I walked away – different than I’d ever been before.
I wasn’t sad or mad. I was…embarrassed…ashamed. In an instant, I was aware that I wasn’t good enough and I wanted out of that room as fast as I could get out.
I found Mom and told her I was ready to leave. Of course she asked me why and of course I walled up. Thankfully, she pushed and dug it out of me. I wrapped up the play-by-play saying, “She said I was in over my head, that I don’t belong here. When I told her what role I was auditioning for, she said, ‘Who do you think you are?'”
Mom took a deep breath and didn’t say anything for a while. At the time, I thought she was just thinking about how to respond to me. But now that I’m a parent myself, I’m 100% sure she was demonstrating Ninja-like self-control. Without a doubt, if she’d said what was on her mind before she took that breath, that poor woman would’ve needed her desk to take cover.
Mom stood up and said, “Okay. Let’s go.” As we walked out to the car, she put her hand on my shoulder. Then, right as we got to my door, she said, “You know what?…It’s actually a really good question, Chance.”
“What is?”
“Who do you think you are?” She looked me in the eyes and said it again, “Who do you think you are?…because that’s what really matters here. You’re never gonna see that woman again. Not ever again. She’s just some lady sitting behind a desk, too scared to get up on that stage herself, so she’s gotta make it scary for someone else. She doesn’t get to vote on what’s over your head or where you belong. She doesn’t get to say what you should be attempting with your life. Her opinion doesn’t mean a thing. Not unless you let it. You’re the only one who gets to answer that question, Chance, and you’ll be answering it for the rest of your life. Might as well get it straight right now. Who do you think you are?”
Bam! Again, all I can say is it was a good thing for that lady that we walked out when we did.
I stood there stunned, considering her words. And then…I decided.
I’m not a quitter.
I don’t run when I’m uncomfortable.
I rise to the occasion.
I excel under pressure.
I do my best, even when I’m scared.
I don’t let other peoples’ opinions define what’s possible for me.
I went back into that room and when my name was called, I stood up and gave it the very best I had to give. I was good – great for a newbie. I didn’t get the part, but I did get called back, which proved to me that I was in the right place. I found a piece of me up on that stage, one I’d have left behind if I’d let someone else’s voice speak louder to me than my own.
Mom’s words that day have been a lighthouse for me throughout my life. She was right. We choose who we think we are every day, sometimes moment by moment. And our decisions shape everything else in our lives, so we’d better choose well.
Your value and viability will be challenged from every side. Others will see you through the lens of their own experience and limitations. And from that very limited view, they’ll draw their conclusions and set up paper fences around you. They’ll dictate what’s possible and appropriate for you if you let them. They’d be more than happy to tell you what you should do, where you should go, what you can have, do, or become.
But the truth is no one can ever actually limit you – not unless you believe you’re who they say you are, and deserve what they say you deserve. Someone needs to read that again. Because for most of us, tragically, the problem isn’t that others don’t think we’re good enough and are holding us back. It’s that we don’t think we’re good enough…so we never truly try.
Our ability to choose one thought over another is one of the greatest and most powerful tools we have at our disposal. We’ve got to make worthy use of it, most especially when we’re talking to us, about us.
So let me ask you one of the most important questions you’ll ever be asked in your life. Who do you think you are?…because you’re the only one who gets to answer that question. Not me. Not your mama. And not some lady sitting behind a desk. You’ll be answering that question for the rest of your life, so you might as well get it straight right now.
Anybody up for making a trade? You can. In an instant. You can simply choose to believe something new today. Who do you think you are? What’s the truth, the real truth about you? Once you know the answer to that question, hang onto it with all you’ve got!
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After reading this blog only question that is striking to my head…..who do u think u are?
Love, love, love this story. It really does push you to get it straight now. Found your blog via wishingwellcoach.com and must say from this single post that you do rightfully deserve to be on that list and I am impressed. And you’re right about that lady sitting behind the desk, she would have gotten “the business” had your mom stuck around. Thanks for sharing! :) It’s very inspiring and motivating.
Amazing story. What a great way of handling the situation. We’re so tempted to protect and coddle our kids these days, I know that my first instinct would have been to tell my son who *I* think he is. While that would be a good response, your mom’s was better. Forcing you to face the question and come up with the answer makes you OWN the answer.
Beautiful.
Thanks, Joe. I like your way too. :) I agree with you…Forcing me to answer for myself made it more than a passing moment of embarrassment. Instead, it became one of the most clarifying moments of my life.
Your mom was clearly a legend.
Yes. In a thousand ways.
Great post Chance! Thanks for sharing this. It’s something we all have to ask ourselves.
Thank YOU for reading, Janet. And for your constant support. :)
Wow…just wow. As with you, my first experience with this was at an early age (for me, it started in fifth grade). What wise words your mom spoke into your life at such a crucial point! I didn’t have people speaking that kind of wisdom into me at that age, so my struggle with allowing other people to define me and tell me who I was continued destructively long into adulthood. It’s only been over the past few years that I’ve begun to break free from that and learn that *I* get to say who I am. After so many years of allowing others to tell me who I am, I’m still working on learning to recognize when that’s happening and on reminding myself at those times that the choice is MINE. Thank you for such a powerful post!
This has made me think a GREAT deal. I struggle with who I am and only recently have I realized how much others and their opinions of me has affected my life. I feel so small and frightened at times, now that I am trying to make choices for me and figure out who I am.
I understand. It’s a common struggle. Good for you for taking it on. I’m not sure that we ever “figure out” who we are. I think it’s more of “deciding” who we will be and acting according to that hope. What do you think?
I love that – “I get to say who I am”. TRUTH! Love your comment. Thanks for adding your insight. :)
Awesome post, Chance! Your momma sounds like an amazing woman. Such wisdom! No wonder you are so wise too. Unfortunately, it is extremely difficult to deflect others’ words when they cut deep. May we always have someone like your mother around when the struggle is fierce. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom!
Thanks so much, Janine. :) Yes. Absolutely amazing…Yes – that we’d all have an advocate when the struggle is fierce. BUT even more so that we could know how to be our own helper in those moments. :)
Chance, in a lifetime of working with people in ministry, this is the issue that has come up more often than any other. Some with the most amazing gifts have been the most insecure because at one point along the way someone hijacked their self-esteem.
Of course, I believe the best answer for this question is, “Well, who does God say I am?” For the Christ-follower, the answer is “a child of the King!” That kind of puts things in perspective. With that as a foundation, there’s nothing I can’t do, if God is in it.
Chance, Thank you! You have nailed an important issue on the head. I love the term ninja-fighter for your mom too…made me laugh…because I may have been the one who spoke before thinking to the lady behind the desk. Your mom didn’t – therefore her wisdom will bear much fruit…We cannot shrink back from challenging people or situations. I’ll share this story with several youth I know too. xoxo
Great! Thanks for passing it on! And thanks for your kind words.
this is a brilliant story,
with a powerful question that only i can answer.
and a choice only I can make “to believe something new today,” about ME …
i can choose who i am
i can choose how i want to be in the world
i can choose vibrant life and love and wholeheartedness, vulnerability and majesty and potential. i can savor my life and be grateful for so much abundance!
i cannot control how others see me, and it’s none of my business anyway ;)
Powerful words! Thank you!
Chancey! Do you read my mail? Thank you, and thank you…What a gift your Mama gave you! I hope you can still hug her! If you can, hug her for me.