Last night, I had dinner with a good friend and mentor of mine. He was recently let go from a Senior Management position when his company merged with a larger one. After more than 20 years, suddenly he’s starting over. Trouble is, he has no clue what he should do or wants to do. He’s never done anything professionally without great passion. And once you’ve operated at that level of success for so long, starting over is daunting…especially with everyone watching. He senses there’s something important ahead…but what?
Last week, I ran into an acquaintance I haven’t seen in six months. He dropped off the grid after a terrible car accident that almost took his life. For the last several months, he’s been learning to walk again, in every regard. He’s gotten back on his feet – he’s taking steps – but his journey back is far from over. He told me that getting his body back is only a sliver of his challenge. The hardest part has been fighting thoughts that something else might happen once he’s well. As I stood there with him, I sensed that his great battle will be to trust life again and to believe for good things.
This morning, I got a phone call from a young friend who started college two weeks ago. He was checking in to let me know he was settling in well. He’s making friends. He likes his classes and professors. He even met a girl. But he’s also feeling a bit homesick. He said he misses his family and wonders how he’s supposed to make a home and a life among so many strangers.
Each of these people are living very different lives – and yet they share one critical trait in common….They’re all living life “in between”.
In between what once was and what will someday be.
In between what was comfortable and the life they’re meant for…next.
It can be daunting, the in between. The past is clearly behind you. You couldn’t go back, even if you wanted to. But the future seems unclear and far away – like a mirage in the distance. Even if you can make out the shape of what might be up ahead, you find yourself asking,
How do I get there from here?
What if I can’t do it?
Are my best days behind me?
What do I do now?
We’ve all been there. The search for clarity and direction can be a long and quiet road at times. Every step forward comes with a question mark attached to it. It can feel like you don’t belong anywhere at all. You can’t go back. You can’t press fast forward. You’re stuck…in between. It can be fertile soil for discouragement and doubt, frustration and fear.
So what do you do?
When you find yourself in between – when you know you have little power to make big changes or great advances – when it’s all you can do to keep your head down and put one foot in front of the other, make this your one goal…
Don’t lose yourself.
I’ll say it again. Don’t lose yourself.
Don’t let go of what makes you “you”. Don’t downgrade your dreams and plans. Don’t settle for something less than what you were made for.
It’s happening all around us, all the time. Many people, when they lack clarity or they’re tired, make the critical mistake of giving up – settling in – and lowering their expectations to something more “reasonable” for someone in their situation. But who can say what is reasonable? When you think about it, every good thing that has ever happened to us is an absolute miracle, from our very first breath to the one we’re taking now. So who can say what else is possible? Why not stretch yourself to believe for even greater miracles ahead?
Yes, be flexible. Yes, embrace being shaped by your circumstances. Yes, cultivate contentment and simplicity. But don’t let the journey steal the hope in your heart. Don’t let your questions and the passing of time cause you to doubt what is possible – what you’re capable of – what you were created for.
Do not let fear drive the bus. Do not settle for “realistic”. It takes just as much energy to believe and reach for something awesome as it does for something average.
So when you find yourself living “in between”, (and truth be told, we always are), keep your head up and let hope lead you. Assume you’re on your way to something just as good or better than anything in your past. You’ll certainly be tempted and challenged, but don’t negotiate your dreams or diminish your purpose.
If you’re still living and breathing, there’s great purpose waiting ahead of you. The wait can make you weary. The work can wear you down. So you have to protect your heart – and that begins with what you tell yourself when everything else is quiet, and you’re alone with your questions.
Sometimes, in the in between, it’s not about what you’re doing. It’s about who you’re becoming.
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Just what I needed to read this morning.
Great post!
WOW! So much to think deeply about, pray about, be grateful for….
Really appreciate your perspective, Chance, and your AMAZING voice with which you share it. I’m talking words here, rather than notes, as God composes in, then through YOU!!!
Chance! I just loved reading this post. I think it can help so many people, including myself. I have felt “in-between” for several years now, and this year some HUGE changes are finally in store. Thanks for the perspective. Keep up the great work! Tim
Thanks for another awesome post Chance. I am also in the in-between and the last few days have been tough. I see a glimmer of hope and then I feel the enemy pressing in- trying to whisper it will never work out like you thought- trying to rob my dreams and more importantly the calling that God placed on my life. Several days ago I felt like something started to shift- I can’t really explain it but I just know something is getting ready to break. The in-between won’t be that forever. Thanks for helping me hold on a little longer as I wait for the breakthrough. May all who read this hold onto to who God created them to be, know that he will allow them to use their gifts, talents and passions to make a difference not only in their lives but the lives of others.
My friend sent this to me today, it really, really, hit home. Thank you.
I’m so glad, Monica. Thank you for letting me know.
How can I be sure that my contentment is not complacency; or is there a difference?
I love love love this question, Barbara. I’ve asked it myself. I think it’s worth it’s own post, so be on the lookout for one in the next few weeks. I have more to say about this, but my main thought is that it comes down to “peace”. When I am complacent, I feel ‘lazy’ and my inner dialogue follows suit. I also think we’ll struggle with feelings of disappointment, lack of energy and direction. If left unaddressed, complacency leads to depression. But at the core of contentment, there is peace. I might choose different circumstances if I could, but my heart tells me I’m in the right place. We don’t feel ‘stuck’. We feel like we’re where we should be in this moment, even if it’s not ‘perfect’.
What do you think? Any thoughts to add?
Great answer! Great perspective!!! ….no surprise….
Thanks for this. I’m a combination of the 3 stories. All within the last few years. Holding onto God but weary at times. My faith keeps me but I do have doubt, what now, what next days. I appreciate your words of wisdom.
Good morning Chance,
This hit home for me. WOW!
Thanks for the perfect words of encouragement to wake up to this morning, Chance. There are so many amazing lines in this post, it’s hard to nail down which one is my favorite. You’re right – every day is an “in-between” day, but some definitely feel more transitional than others. Realizing there’s purpose and hope in the now as well as the next was exactly what I needed to remember.
Excellent and need to reread to digest and really think how it applies to me currently. Think it has good ideas and need to pray what is message for me to glean from it.
I am currently living a different kind of in between. My daughter is in hospice and dying from terminal cancer. As I spend each day with her and try to survive the pain I know that she is struggling with so much more. We have reached the point that together we pray for God to bring her peace so that we can move forward. Although I know it will be hard to move forward and I will be lost in yet another form of “in between” I know I will continue to move forward with great hope. I will strive to live each day as fully as she did and I will strive to set a great example for my grandson. Thank you for your words today. I am struggling and had not looked at the situation as being “in between” the stages. Those two words have made sense out of what I feel today.
I’ll keep you, your daughter and your grandson in my prayers.