A couple of weeks ago, I got an email that has stuck with me ever since. Kate wrote, “I’m always so encouraged by your blog. When I’m done reading it, I feel like I’m capable of more than I was before. I want you to know that you’re changing my life post by post… How did you get like this?”
Your question cracked me up! How’d I get like this? My wife asks me the same question! (I don’t think she means it as nicely as you do, though.)
Friends, I’m working my way through these concepts and challenges too. I’ll admit it, though. I’m braver than most people around me. I’m happier, more fulfilled and successful than a lot of people in similar circumstances. I can comfortably say that because I’m fully aware of how little credit I deserve for it. How’d I get like this? What’s my secret?
I’m not afraid to be the dumbest guy in the room.
Your choice – read or listen!
I’m not ashamed or scared to be the low guy on the totem poll. In fact, I crave it. I’ve made it my mission to sit at the feet of people who are smarter, wiser, more experienced and successful than I am. And I promise you this – it’s changing my life – from the inside out.
It wasn’t always true. There was a time when I was afraid for people to see my weaknesses or inexperience. If I dared admit what I lacked, it would only be to someone who knew less than me. I think most people feel the same way. If life were graded on a bell curve, we want to feel like we’re above the people around us. So knowingly or unknowingly, many of us choose who we’ll befriend based on what we think about ourselves in their company. We’re looking for equal ground, or better yet, we want to feel more accomplished. Surrounding ourselves with a peer group like us makes us feel good about ourselves.
Here’s the thing, though.
Can someone teach you what you already know?
Can they give you what you already have?
Can they lead you to where you’re already standing?
Of course not. Unfortunately, for the most part, that’s all our peers can offer us – similar experience and knowledge. Sure, there are times when we pull each other up. But too often we embrace our shared complaints, excuses and ruts. Who’s gonna understand our frustration more than someone who’s struggling with the same things? Who will validate our excuses more than someone who’s making the same ones for themselves? So we’ve got to be willing to humble ourselves and reach out to people who are beyond our experience or ability.
Several years ago, I laid down my pride. I made a trade. I’m not only willing, I’m eager to fill my life with people who are on the road up ahead of me. I look for opportunities to sit in their company and when the chance comes, I shut my big mouth. I ask questions, and I listen.
– Want a better career? Sit at the feet of someone who loves their job.
– Wanna be better with money? Sit at the feet of someone who earns and gives a lot.
– Wanna raise great children? Sit at the feet of parents who’ve already raised exceptional kids.
When you spot someone who is living life in a way you hope to someday, drop the facade, admit you need help, and become a student. Education is important. Personal experience is important. But there’s something about admitting you don’t know it all, and taking a seat at the feet of someone who knows more. Your key is a smart and thoughtful question. Ask a great question, one that allows them to share their experience and opinions, and then soak in the benefit of their wisdom.
Become the dumbest guy in the room.
It might be the smartest thing you could do for yourself.
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Hi Chance,
You’re name popped into my head today and I googled you and found your site. Very impressive. Sitting in that office in Nashville with you and Paul Bruno indexing those records seems long ago doesn’t it?
Ok enough name dropping. I really enjoyed this post and the others I’ve read. This post reminded me of a quote that has stayed with me. I live in Colorado now and I’m trying to become a better skier, among other things. One of the best books I’ve read about skiing so far points out that the best people in various sports are the ones who are constantly mastering the fundamentals. I think that applies to life as well. And to your point, to be the dumbest person in the room is to always be mastering the fundamentals.
Keep up the good work!
Patrick
Hey, Patrick! Long, long time! I’m so glad you stopped by! I’d love to know the quote if you remember it. I think it would probably resonate with me. :)
Hope you’re doing well. Living in CO is a pretty great start to a happy life. Hope the rest is as good.
Chance- Loved this blog. When I was in my early to late 20’s I was living my life and career as a sponge to the people around me. Absorbing knowledge and ideas from everybody. From the person sitting at the end of the bar to successful business people. Over time I developed into a successful sales manager and person. Then I think in my early 30’s– I lost this way of living to the pressure and hectic schedule of my job and perhaps some fear of not wanting to feel weak baring all the responsibilities I have.
This blog definitely reopened my eyes to the fact that I need to reopen myself to this type of engagement with people again. I think being in a management position at an age where my colleagues were twice my age probably caused the pull-back as I never wanted to show my “hand”
I turned 34 in June, and I am looking forward to getting back to some of the basics that helped get me to where I am today that I may have lost along way.
We’ll tag-team this together.
SK
Loved this comment. Great road that you’re on. And yes, we’ll tag team this together…I’m on it too. :)
Chance,
They say great minds think a like….you are not alone with being one of the dummest ones in the room. In fact, it’s good to always dummy down even when you know a thing because someone elses version maybe a bit different and more effective….
You’re AMAZING and you touch many peoples lives…many tell me that I should blog since I have so much to say…but I always said I did not have the time or that I can’t do it…. deep down I knew that I was looking for a certain style and then you came along…and after I read one of your blogs and found myself looking forward to reading them I knew I wanted to be this type of blogger….REAL….. Selfless….SINCERE….HONEST….OPEN….DOWN TO LIFE………
Chance, I am sitting at your feet…..
Tanisha
TANISHA! What a sweet, sweet comment, my new friend. The words you used are exactly the words I would hope someone would use to describe me. What a gift.
DO start a blog. You have much to share and you never know what incredible people you’ll meet on the other side…or how they’ll bless you, as you bless me.
Chance,
I don’t normally comment on your blog posts (even though they are all extremely insightful and inspiring) but this one really confirms my biggest goal and greatest challenge in all areas of my life, surrounding myself with people that lift me up.
Thank you for continually sharing what so many people are afraid to share.
-Dain
Thanks so much, Dain. I get that it’s an inconvenience to comment, but I’m glad you did! Glad to know you’re reading and that it’s useful to you – encouraging to me. Thanks for letting me know. :)
Yes, I’m learning that lesson as well. Good people aren’t enough. We’ve got to fill our lives up with ENGAGED people, people who will support us and challenge us! Hard to find – but so worth the search.
Chance, this post was the one that introduced me to you – and as you know, I think you’re amazing. Pretty soon, it might be hard for you to be the dumbest guy. Anyway, I just wanted to make a suggestion: Could you turn this post into a book?
Lots of reasons why it might not be a good idea or this might not be the time. But I just wanted to say that I think you’ve really got something that lots of people might be interested in.
Interesting question, my new friend. Without saying too much here, I’ll just say this resonates with me and affirms some things swirling in my head and heart. Thanks for taking the time to ask. I can tell you more over DM if you’d like. :)
Hey Chance, Once again an awesome and inspiring blog. I’ve had lot’s of experience being the dumbest guy in the room. It’s pretty much every day of my life.
Keep up the good work and I like the audio version too. Really good idea.
Dennis
Thanks, Dennis. :) For reading and for your comment about the audio version. Recording it, I didn’t know if it would resonate. But if I were on the other side, I think I’d enjoy it. So thanks for the thumbs up.
Great stuff here Chance! You’re not alone here, in fact you’re in great company!
Thanks, Josh! :)
Wow! Just the thing I needed to hear as I’m heading out the door to a 5-day intensive workshop being given by a very respected author/therapist/speaker and about 40 other professional peers. I am probably the least experienced therapist in the room (although not willing to say ‘the dumbest.’ Ha!). I didn’t sleep all night (not good) and am stressing about a mini-presentation I have to give. Phew! I receive this wisdom, just in time! Your good thoughts are a gift. Thanks, Chance!
How did it go, Jennifer? I hope it was awesome!
Someone else commented and challenged me pretty big on my title and my suggestion. But it’s about humility more than actual knowledge. Sometimes the “dumbest” person is actually the smartest. ;)
Enjoyed this and am sharing it…. Hope that’s okay. : )
Great! :)
Likewise, Chance!
Dab
Hope for the simple people. Love it!
Dab
HA! Yesss! :) Nice to meet you, Dabney!
What an excellent, outstanding point of view. I am guilty of everything you said (trying to look smart …) and have to learn how to … learn!
The principle of this post, too, is just one of myriad reasons parents choose to homeschool – kids need exposure to more than just their equals, all day long!
Outstanding post Chance!
Thanks so much, Mark! I appreciate the encouragement so much.
Fantastically well put. Must admit, I’m guilty of this, don’t want to accept help or admit defeat, but how can you improve in any aspect of your life if you don’t accept that you don’t know everything, nor does anyone & to surround yourself with people that inspire & can help you to move forward in whatever area of your life or career then that can only be a good thing. Who knows, maybe you’re that person that someone looks to for advice & guidance…
YES, Angela. I agree completely. Great comment!
Marcel Proust wrote “The true voyage of discovery is not seeking new landscapes, but seeing with new eyes.” Regardless of your level of expertise, you usually have the ability to see differently, to change the lens. Great insight and thanks.
Leanne Hoagland-Smith
Author of Be the Red Jacket
That quote is one of my favorite as well. I love your comments on it. Be The Red Jacket… interesting title. I’ll look it up. :) Thanks for commenting today.
Good stuff Chance, look forward to reading more. :)
Thanks, Stephen. :)
“Can someone teach you what you already know? Can they give you what you already have? Can they lead you to where you’re already standing? Of course not.”
I beg to differ. Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz, immediately came to mind. She indeed had the answers to all her questions and everything her heart desired, and yet she had to learn it for herself. I think we all have Glindas in our lives, who know that we already possess the knowledge and all the things we so deeply desire, and but allow us to discover this on our own. As Glinda told Dorothy, she could have told her when she first arrived, but Dorothy wouldn’t have believed her. She had to learn it for herself.
I agree with you wholeheartedly. I’m just not seeing the application in this context. Yes, Glinda and her posse :) certainly led Dorothy to what was already inside of her. But once Dorothy knew it for herself, she couldn’t ‘unknow’ the lesson. She owned it for herself at that point. I agree with your point completely. In this article, I’m just saying that it’s wise of us to find someone on the road up ahead of us, rather than limiting ourselves to people with similar or the same experience and knowledge. :)
Thanks Chance! Jen told me the inception process of the Blog and I have to say- I’m glad you wanted to enhance your life with this venture!
Thanks for the encouragement! I needed it today! Keep it up!
I’m so glad it encouraged you. THANKS for taking the time to read it. :)
I guess for those who are scared of showing their weaknesses it can be a bit easier if they try to see life as everlasting education. There are “teachers” that share their knowledge with “students” – those who are willing to learn from them. Everyone can be both a teacher and a student, teaching those who know less and learning from those who know more. It’s a neverending circle. I’ve just met a new friend who’s not afraid to ask questions and admit there’re things she doesn’t know. Looks like she’s going to be one of my “teachers”.
I love it! My best friends are also among my greatest teachers, too.
Chance, this is a great paradigm if we can get it right. I know that from a singing standpoint, the fact that I ever had the opportunity to sing in the same neighborhood as you made me a better musician… but from a life standpoint, I can honestly say that watching how you always made sure whoever you came in contact with felt like they were a star in your eyes was an invaluable lesson in my life of how to interact with & encourage people I come into contact with.
Buddy, I don’t even know what to say… These are unbelievably kind words. Thank you, my friend. Miss you in my life.
I wonder if being the dumbest guy (or gal) in the room gets easier as we get older. As a young pup, I tended to believe I had something to prove. In order to get a good job. Get recognized. Get friends. Get ahead. But in the getting, I realized over time I was losing touch with the things that could change me: savoring the Savior, being vulnerable in relationships, admitting I needed to listen instead of project. The older I get and the more God molds and shapes this imperfect clay pot, being a student is the place I crave. So make a place for me on the floor with you. Thanks so much for sharing your wisdom. :)
I think you’re right, Donna… and I’m clearing a place for you right next to me. ;)
So true…much of what I have learned in life has been a free gift from those who were willing to share with me if I only asked. And, as I have aged, I have found that it isn’t always those who are older and more experienced who have something to share–sometimes it is those who are younger. Everyone knows something you do not. If you are open, you will find out what it is.
I completely agree. Future post for sure.
Chance: You’ve discovered my secret! I can’t even begin to name the dozens, maybe hundreds, of smarter people I’ve learned from intentionally. I read Psalm 92 this morning, which includes this gem: “The godly will flourish like palm trees…even in old age they will still produce fruit.” Even though I’m rapidly approaching meeting that description, I still want some of that good fruit to fall on me :)
There’s fruit falling from you on a daily basis, Dave Williamson! :)