I just got off the phone with a dear friend who is hurting and desperate for change. She wasn’t whining; her frustration is understandable. Financial problems, health scares, poor living conditions, family issues, struggling to find likeminded community…She does her best to keep a good perspective and stay positive, but admitted to me through tears that it’s exhausting at times.
Seeking fresh perspective and guidance, she recently attended a workshop that promised help. I enjoyed the play by play a lot until she got to the main point she was to take away. It’s some of the most commonly given, bad advice you’ll ever hear.
“Bloom where you’re planted.”
Most of us have been given this advice at some point. We might have even offered it to someone ourselves. It sounds inspiring and helpful on the surface, but there’s a dangerous problem with it. It assumes that blooming is possible where you’re planted. And many times, it’s just not.
Consider it in nature. Imagine yourself planting a seed in a toxic waste dump. You could dig the perfect hole. You could water it, feed it, give it sunlight and air – but no amount of tending that seed will produce fruit. And what if it did…would you want to eat it?
A seed must be planted in fertile, healthy soil, or it’s planted in vain. It’s true in nature and it’s true for you and me. If you’re in a toxic environment, surrounded by people, places and things that poison you, please, stop and consider…Is it even possible for you to grow and flourish where you are? Can you produce something good for the world around you? Or are you wasting your time, talent and life – waiting to bloom where it’s impossible for you to grow?
We’ve all been there. Each of us have been marginalized by someone who didn’t think we were enough. Or unloved by someone who didn’t think we were worthy. Or made to feel small by someone, so they could feel bigger. We’ve all blamed ourselves for the oversight and have done our best to be noticed and deemed “worthy”.
But it’s impossible to show someone what you’re worth. They have to see it.
And if they don’t – or can’t – or won’t…Should you bear the label and the life they feel is appropriate for you?
No way! Move on. There’s a lot of world out there, filled with lots of people and even more opportunity. Make it your mission to look for fertile ground – and don’t put roots down until you find it. Likewise, if your environment ceases to be healthy and life-giving, you’re no longer where you belong. Move on – quickly. It may be painful in the short term, but it will save you even more pain down the road. And if moving on is not an option (I’m not advising you to leave your marriage), you MUST find a way to get to healthier soil.
I understand this is a somewhat controversial position. This is popular advice, often given by well-meaning friends and leaders to encourage contentment, curtail our unrealistic hopes and dissuade us from jumping ship when things get tough. I get it – and I agree.
Do seek joy and contentment in all situations.
Do get honest about where your abilities can carry you.
Do hang in when times are tough.
But don’t seek to bloom where you’re planted…
Plant yourself where you can bloom.
This is a lesson I learned the hard way. I wasted years of my early career waiting for validation from a few key people to do what I already knew I was made to do. They kept me on a string for years and I was obliged to stay there, sure that they were the only road to where I was going. But time has taught me not to look to another person as my key. My beliefs are my key. My actions are my key. They can trap me, or they can set me free.
This is your life.
Time is short and it’s getting shorter every day.
Happy or sad, you are responsible for you.
Nothing is happening that you’re not allowing.
You can make a different choice.
It’s not always possible to bloom where you’re planted.
Plant yourself where you can bloom.
This Post Has 15 Comments
Comments are closed.
Ha!! This post has lead me to believe there just might be a happy conspiracy going on here and as I got older I became a firm believer in this, Mr. Scoggins!
“I was not born to be forced. I will breath after my own fashion…If a plant cannot live according to its nature, it dies, and so a man” (H. D. Thoreau).
For me, at no expense, 24 hours a day, nature has been one of God’s greatest tutors. It has taught me, that there are never any straight lines to its order of beauty and that life is always in full bloom. It does not demand of us more than our best. It does not waste time. And in order to be true to our essential nature we need to bend and move in its graceful ways.
When we are young we don’t always get to decide our conditions. And it makes me sad when I see children growing up surrounded by graffiti and garbage.
Maybe, God has put us together on this earth so that we can teach each other how to grow…inside and out….I think our biggest job is to learn more about our own nature so we can continue to flower and bloom in the best possible conditions.
I have had to make some not so easy transitions in my life. I have seen my share of rat ridden trailer parks along with beautiful landscapes. My experiences were all absorbed inside of me. Even tho both places taught me, my life matters, and both places had attractions that lead me to believe I was flourishing…it wasn’t until after the transitions that I was able to understand my hopeless frustrations and realize my awkwardness was because my so called flourishing had been in conflict with my essential nature.
“She’s like a fading flower and life’s in full bloom.” (awesome song by guess who ? Lol.) Conspiracy point…maybe :? But I know now where I grow and I know now when someone makes me do something that is in conflict with my core nature, my identity, and my personality I don’t.
It just maybe true…great minds do think alike and at certain moments, the very same things. This post is going to the top of my favorite list.
Another wonderful post, Chance. I also challenge the popular notion, “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” But what if life gives you rotten lemons?! It’s foolishness (fantasy and/or denial) to attempt to prepare and drink lemonade out of rotten lemons! I’ve tried and I assure you, I drank alone!
Hey Chance,
Just found your site through Wishing Well Life Coaching’s list of bloggers who should be big. I like what your writing over here man. It’s real, raw and honest but it’s delivered in a uniquely sincere way.
I’ve always felt that the advice on “being happy where you are right now” was bogus. Gratitude has it’s place but so does working your ass off. If you’re completely dissatisfied with your life, you can’t just flip a switch and say “I’m happy!”.
But if incremental action is taken over time you can root down into healthy soil. That’s what it’s all about.
Great read man. Looking forward to checking out more.
I absolutely agree with this post. Thanks for sharing such insight – again. You have inspired me to do something I’ve been meaning to do for quite sometime now.
WONDERFUL! This is like fresh to me. I totally totally appreciated this Chance. A new perspective and one I can embrace. It reminded me of the seed parable.
I know this is true in so many ways- not just location but this could apply to mental health issues….so many applications. Thank You God for the words and ideas He gives you Chance.
I found this one quite interesting..Bloom Where You’re Planted” has always been a positive thing in my book…and now I see it quite differently. Of course you CAN make the best of where you are most of the time, but sometimes, you do need to find better soil to bloom in! Thank you Chance for helping me (and others) think out side the box! Forever a fan!! <3
Hi Chance,
I look forward to these articles and this one made me see my self worth….Chance interestingly you felt the need to change your wording; so, it would not be misinterpreted….Well my friend….as the conscious will have it…we will interpret things that triggers our subconscious and read things such as this article and confirm it into our conscious. This will not be the only article that will strike a chord for those who are at a “sensitive” point in their life. The beauty about inspirational articles is that “WE” the reader choose how it will effect our daily lives…And no matter how the contex is presented/ illustrated…”WE” hold the final key… Keep up the amazing work…You are truly a self-less human being…
SO true! I’m dealing with that now myself. I’m working on trying to make some changes. It’s not easy, but I want to be happier in the long run!
Well timed, buddy… I’m actually in the process of testing my soil and opening myself to God showing me better soil I can bloom in.
One thought that popped in my head was, when I was a kid, my family raised tobacco (don’t judge… it wasn’t politically incorrect at the time). The plant was an incredibly high maintenance plant… You would sew the seeds in a confined space in the field… then, when the plants were @ 18 inches high, you would pull them up by hand and re-plant them… one by one… in a more open field, where they would have room to grow as tall as a man. So, the bloom where you’re planted isn’t even always the case in nature. The plants we planted would have never grown had we left them where the seeds were planted.
Much love my friend!
Thank you Chance. Why is change so difficult for so many of us? Perhaps, fear of failure is a too powerful an anchor.
Excellent, Chance. I always enjoy reading your insights.
Ah! Memes can enslave us. Thanks for this freeing thought!
This kind of advice is often given where I live. Other words maybe be used but the meaning is the same. Coming from the people you look up to, this advice can be very discouraging. I guess some people don’t understand why others want to aim higher because they themselves have given up on their own dreams long ago and believe dreams and reality are two different things that never meet. Here when someone tells what they want there’s always someone telling them that life is not about what you want, that one day reality kicks in and you just have to adjust.
Outstanding!!!!!! Bravo!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing. Love this. It is so hard to wear a shoe that just doesn’t fit.
Chance,
I came across the quote of “bloom where you’re planted” the other day on line. The idea of doing the best where you’re at with what you have is great. The idea of blooming where you’re planted conjures up something all together different. It’s much more negative and stagnant. I say, no way!