“Pack a bag and be ready in 30 minutes.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Hurry up!”
I was home for my 21st birthday. Dad was up to something, but I’d learned by then not to ask questions. I went to my room, threw some clothes and my toothbrush in a bag and met him at the car 30 minutes later.
“Where are we going?”
“Get in.”
We drove in silence for the most part. Every now and then I couldn’t help but laugh and say, “You’re crazy. You know that, right?” The surprise was a blast, but it was also driving me nuts. “So you’re not gonna tell me anything, are you?” Nothing. Eventually, based on the part of town we were in, I could tell we were headed to the airport. I tried to use this to pry out some details, but his lips were sealed.
The lesson had already begun. I just didn’t know it yet.
We parked, I followed him to the Delta counter and we waited our turn. When the attendant behind the counter called “Next!”, I walked up to her, unaware that Dad had stayed back. I was on my own.
“Destination?”
Thinking he was right behind me, I stood there waiting for him to answer.
“Des-ti-na-tion?”, she said, a little agitated.
“Umm, I’m sorry. My Dad, um, where’d he go? I looked back and saw him bent down tying his shoes. “I’m sorry…I don’t know.”
“You don’t know where you’re going?”, she asked.
“No, I’m sorry. Could you…?”
“If you don’t know where you’re going, I can’t help you.”
“Can you look it up by name?”
Frustrated and huffy, she said, “Name?” I told her my name and waited for what was probably just a few seconds, but it felt like an hour. Finally, she looked up and said, “Looks like you’re off to Las Vegas. Does that sound right?”
“Um, Yep…” That was awesome and I would have celebrated, but she was obviously frustrated with me.
“How are you going to pay?” (When I turned 21, you didn’t have to prepay online… There was no such thing as “online”.)
I looked back at my Dad who was still ‘tying his shoes’. “I’m sorry. My Dad has to pay. Dad?”
He was already up and on his way to the counter to rescue me. He handed her our itineraries and his credit card, to which she replied, “Well, look at how much easier that is.”
Soon, we had our tickets and were through security. Waiting to board, I asked him, “What was all that about?”.
He laughed at me and said, “That was priceless! The look on your face was perfect, just like I planned it.”.
I’m sure I looked puzzled. “I don’t get it.”
“Consider it my first gift to you.” He turned in to me and took a more serious tone. “Chance, you’re an adult now. The world’s about to change for you, and you gotta be ready… When you’re a kid, you go wherever somebody else tells you to go. You don’t have much of a choice. But as an adult, not only do you get to choose, you have to choose… If you don’t, life or someone else will choose for you, and you probably won’t like what they come up with. You gotta know your destination and have a plan for getting there.”
I took it all in as he continued. “It’s a lot like planning a trip. What’s your destination? How are you gonna get there; who’s going with you? You gotta know what it’s gonna cost and ask yourself if you’re willing to pay that price… You won’t always be, and you’ll choose a new destination. Once you decide, you gotta get packed and ready. Do you have everything you’ll need once you get there? Are you equipped? If not, what are you gonna do about it?”
We kept talking throughout the flight. He shared some times in his life when he’d planned well, and some times he didn’t. He told me where he thought I might be headed and we talked through the questions he’d laid out for me. By the time we landed, I’d learned a lesson that has guided me ever since. It’s up to me. No one’s going to hand me the life I’m here to live. If I want it, I need a plan. Of course, having lived a lot of life since then, I’m well aware that even when we have a plan, things don’t always work out as we’d thought. But I’m also convinced that course correction is much easier than flying aimlessly, no particular destination in mind, hoping we land somewhere nice.
It was one of my most memorable birthdays ever – a great trip, just Dad and me. And I learned more than one lesson that weekend – like, stand with just 16 when the dealer has a 3 showing. Always cover green on the Roulette wheel because the one time you don’t, it will hit. And maybe most importantly… what stays in Vegas is your money! Don’t expect to leave a casino with more than you came in with.
I’ll carry that moment standing in front of the airline attendant with me for the rest of my life. And I find the questions Dad asked me more and more important with the passing of time.
Where are you going? What’s your destination?
When and how do you plan to get there?
Who’s going with you?
What will it cost you to try?
Are you willing to pay that price?
Are you equipped for the journey ahead?
If not, what are you gonna do about that?
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Chance:
I Just loved this blog!!!!! brilliant story & life lessons to learn :) :)
Thanks so much for reading! :)
Love this story! You are a great writer and you Dad sounded like the coolest, most amazing father. Must be why you and Jen turned out so great :)
Loved your story. Your dad reminds me so much of my wonderful husband! We have 2 boys (11 n 13) and my husband takes 1 boy at a time on a “mans trip” since they were 3 years old! It’s amazing how much they mature after each trip alone with dad! My husband teaches them so much about the world politics/history, music, books and life in only few special days! Of course the teachings continue at home but nothing like a special vacation with just “me n dad!” My boys are blessed to have such an amazing dad ( we both didn’t) I know my boys will grow up to be amazing husbands and dads because of the teachings and life experience growing up. It’s just sooo important how dads spend their time with their boys!
Thank you for sharing your story.
Just found your blog through another blog and loved it! will continue reading ;)
Wow, Lil. I couldn’t agree more. Parenting is the most amazing challenge and the most rewarding experience of my life. I am absolutely bearing the fruit of seeds my Dad planted in me when I was a kid. I know it’s a rarer than it should be, but your kids will experience what I experienced… His efforts will pay dividends in their lives far beyond anything he could hope or expect. GOOD FOR HIM!!
I’d love to know more about him, and maybe even share part of his story with my readers if he’d like… If you think he’d be up for it, tell him to email me through my contact page or have him check out my “Do you have a story to share?” link on the home page. There’d be no pressure, but maybe there’s something he could share with the rest of us that would help a lot of people.
THANKS for writing. So nice to meet you. I hope you’ll come back to visit again.
Hi Chance, Thank you for your kind words. Yes my husband is our super hero. He always has a kind word of encouragement, he is so positive about everything, everyday I want to be more like him! He sees the world differently , I’m just so amazed how can a person be so positive. I asked him to share “his story” but he was a little shy about it. He is humble so writing about himself seems weird to him but I’ll keep working on it. I agree with you and think he should share how he is raising our boys, so other dads could benefit from it. Maybe I’ll start to write a diary about him, the way I see him and ask him to go over it and see if he agrees.:) Thank you for asking.
And thank you for your encouraging words every time I read your posts. I wish more site/blogs were like yours!
keep up the excellent work!
For many reasons lately, this is exactly what has been consuming the bulk of my days. It’s funny how as children and rebellious dreamers we fight every step of the way to prove our independence and when the time comes and we actually are on our own, life suddenly becomes dyslexic.
I have read some of your blogs more than once because they have been the kind of lessons… words, I would want someone to say to me – so that I may be able to say them to myself. There were many times after reading your blog; I said to myself “I wanna be THAT boy.” Lol. (jk, I’m glad to be who I am and besides I’m a girl :). But geez oh pete, who wouldn’t wanna be… I mean I know focusing on all the good and positive parts is a better way to express the sense of joy from our magical happenings and it surely has helped me revere more in life….But… there has to be at least one time sir, that you learned something “the hard way” and you were still able to reap some sort of reward from it.
Are you kidding me? I’m weeellll acquainted with the hard way. Remember, hindsight is 20/20. These lessons are prettier as memories than they were at the time. It’s all tied up in a bow in a blog post, but it’s taken me years to wrap the package.
Really enjoyed reading this Chance. Thanking your dad for loving you so much to force you out of that “comfort circle”
Tina
I’m thankful, for sure… though it ached a time or two. Thanks for reading and taking a moment to comment!
Your Dad was such a wise man. What a great way to teach someone a lesson! And what a lesson! I’m doing to copy those questions from your post in my notebook so as to keep them close at hand at all times. From now on, everytime I find myself letting others choose for me, I’ll have something to remind me why I should do so. Thank you, Chance, for passing on your Dad’s great lesson to us all.
Yes, he was. I know he’d be happy for these stories to be spreading and helping people.
That was awesome…you and your dad are wise men.
Thank you so much. :) I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Goodness Chance….You scare me sometimes with how you just “hit that nail on the head” ….I know it does with other people too obviously from the many comments. But right now I am facing things I don’t want to deal with….so I drag my feet and find excuses to do something else…and I ultimately want to get to Miami to be near my daughter and her family. And, if I don’t do the things that NEED to be done, it won’t happen, because as you said,; “no one can do it for me”, I have to do what it takes to get me there. I have a destination….I have a plan….now I need to implement that plan!! Thank you Chance for the reality slap!! LOL I love you!!
It will make me sad for you to not be close, so it’s hard for me to push you towards doing those things. You’ll have to get someone else to tell you that you should. ;) Love you so much TOOOO!
Wow, great story Chance and great word for the day….and life.
Yes sir. You’ll find that it will become something you recall far beyond this day. :) But the lesson is for today, not someday. You’re absolutely right.
Now that you gave me a birds-eye view, I will also carry that moment with me.
What a lesson:
“It’s up to me. No one’s going to hand me the life I’m here to live. If I want it, I need a plan.”
Instilling that into the next generation must be a priority.
Yes, Skip. We’re already working on this with our little girls. We constantly say to them, “I am responsible for me”… especially when we make a mistake and suffer a consequence, so they can see what our choices and plans (or lack thereof) do.