You Are Not Alone

Last week, Jennifer and I were invited to our friends’ home for dinner.  It was a great night filled with amazing food, non-stop punchlines and eight of our favorite people on the planet. It had been a while since we’d all come together, so each of us had at least one story to tell that had the rest doubled over laughing.  And I could write a post on the food alone.  I’d call it, “What To Serve Next Time Chance Comes Over For Dinner”.  I’m both proud and ashamed to admit that I ate so much, I didn’t eat a bite the next day.  I was still full.

After a long dinner catching up, we moved to the living room where the tone changed almost immediately. I’m not even sure how it started, but one by one, we laid our masks to the floor and each of us shared the struggles we’re facing.

One by one, we dropped our defenses.  

We shared our stories and our fears.

We admitted our weakness and our need.  

As I looked around the room, I couldn’t help but remember just 30 minutes before when we were a room full of people who didn’t seem to have a care in the world.  But now, as I looked into the faces of my friends, these uncommonly talented and determined world changers, I saw tired eyes looking back at me.  Each of us weary.  Each of us wounded in our fight to do and become what we were meant to be.  The problems were real.  The situations were hard.  The fatigue was evident.  

It struck me all over again that attempting something great will cost us something great.  It should be no surprise to us by now that a big life and a big calling comes with a big price tag. But in the chaos of our personal circumstances, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we’re the only one paying so high a price.

So we retreat.

One of us spoke up with words any of us could have said.  “I really needed to hear all of you share this tonight.  I mean, I don’t want you to struggle or suffer, but from the outside looking in, success seems to be coming pretty easily for all of you.  I needed to hear that it’s hard.  I thought I was the only one.”

One by one, we encouraged each other in our abilities and purpose.

One by one, we reminded each other that faith and perseverance truly are the keys to the promise in our hearts.

One by one, we filled our friend’s cup and had ours filled in return.

All because we were willing to admit we don’t have it all together.

It was an amazing night.  Yes, the food was great.  Yes, we laughed hard.  But sharing our burdens with each other helped each of us carry what had previously seemed like too heavy a load.  We walked in weary, but hiding it for fear of bringing the room down.  We walked out renewed and ready for the next round of whatever’s ahead… stronger this time.

In the days since, it has solidified the fact to me even more that we weren’t made to do this on our own.  We were created to need help.  We were created to give it.  So let’s be aware this week.  Let’s do our best to notice what’s behind the eyes of the people in our lives.  Let’s drop our facade with someone we trust.  Let’s be a safe place for someone to drop theirs.  And in the process, maybe we’ll exchange one of the most important lessons we could ever learn or teach.

You’re not the only one.

This Post Has 21 Comments

  1. Jerry Remus

    Wow.

  2. Kathryn Smith

    Thank you, Chance. You are an amazing writer, and I am wondering if you are considering gathering your writings to publish in a book that I could buy for my children and grandchildren? So many of your posts are so relevant and powerful for living a good life and pointing to what is important. I thank you for sharing!

  3. David

    EXcellent Post Chance!! Thanks for sharing your heart bro :)

    1. Chance

      Thanks, David! Thanks for reading, too. Means a lot to me.

  4. Lisa

    This is so crucial to remember for when you are walking out a journey that is longer than most. All of you broken from the rock that fell on your life….Hold on to His promises! He’s all we have in the end…your day is coming..

    1. Chance

      Having observed you walking such a difficult road for so long with such grace, your comment means even more to me.

      1. Lisa

        You mean the world to me dear friend….

  5. Susan Bockoven

    This was so needed in my life today; thank you for sharing with us. I’ve learn these past few months that if I stop feeling entitled to a perfect life and forget me but concentrate on helping others, my life goes from confused and angry to joy and loved sharing how I want to be treated by doing so to others… Arrows pointed out instead of selfishly in or all about me… Mask of put togetherness are overrated but being sincere and generous goes further…

    1. Chance

      I’m so glad you found the post helpful. Thanks for taking the time to read AND for sharing your own perspective. Very interesting and so true.

  6. Anna-Emily

    This post hit home for me as I’m struggling with a huge amount of work in my hands these days. The start of the school year isn’t easy for both students and teachers. This year I have more teaching hours that I’ve ever had before and I”m so overwhelmed with it. It feels good to be reminded that I’m not the only one, that others are struggling as well. Thank you for another helpful post, Chance!

    1. Chance

      We’d all do well to be reminded. I’m glad this encouraged you today. Your students are lucky. You’d be a rare teacher, for sure.

  7. Cheryl Ricker

    Great post, Chance! I enjoy your writing! What a delight to share, be ourselves, and offer help to a safe group of friends! We all struggle in many ways. Opening up and realizing we’re not alone brings sweet relief, and helps us embrace life with confidence and thankfulness.

    1. Chance

      Well put, Cheryl. Thanks for reading AND commenting. So happy to see your face here. :)

  8. Deeob

    Beautifully stated Chance! You always touch my heart and in particular this one! Just to know we are NOT alone in this earthly struggle with all its joys and trials.

    1. Chance

      Thanks so much, Dee. Thank you for your constant encouragement. I’m so glad these posts connect with you.

      You are not alone, my dear friend.

  9. EJ

    Excellent, excellent and excellent, Chance. So well said!

    1. Chance

      THANKS, EJ! :) Bro, that night has really stuck with me.

  10. Keith Branson

    Great reminder to take time to be with others and pursue relationships that are real, transparent, accepting and safe. What you described doesn’t have to be rare among people, if they are intentional to do it. Funny sometimes it only takes one person in a group to start the conversation that unzips everyone. Thanks for doing that with this blog. May aloneness be removed from many as they strive to be carriers of each others burdens, rejoicing and weeping together!

    1. Chance

      Beautifully said, Keith.

  11. Donna Pyle

    What a beautiful reminder how crucial it is to be real with trusted friends. We ALL need that desperately, not only to share the joys and burdens but to share accountability. Those friends are priceless in my life and ministry. I’m so glad you have friends – and are a friend – like that.

    1. Chance

      Thanks, Donna. I am too. Thank you for sharing the post as well. I appreciate the support.

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