Being the parent of a 6 year-old and a 4 year-old, there’s a lot of finger pointing going on in my house. Last night, I caught the girls playing in Jalen’s room about an hour after we’d put them to bed. I opened the door to find the lights on, Jalen sitting up, playing with her stuffed animals and Emmy dancing around the room like it was the middle of the afternoon.
“What is going on in here?”
“Daddy…um, I think Emmy…sneaked in my room accidentally.”
“No I didn’t. She did.”
“No, that’s not right, Daddy. She did come in my room, but I think she didn’t mean to. It was an accident.”
“She told me to.”
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did, Jalen. I didn’t do anything. It’s not my fault.”
The truth, once revealed, was actually quite innocent. Jalen was scared in her bed alone and got up to find us. But Jennifer had run to the store and I was upstairs on the phone. She didn’t want to interrupt my call, so Jalen asked her sister to come sleep in her room and Emmy agreed. They were going to go to straight to sleep, but of course, you know how that turned out.
I wasn’t mad. I didn’t even mind what they’d done. I would have just put them back to bed. But the lie…the blaming…not fessing up. There was nothing good for them there, so we had to have a hard talk.
They both shed some tears and apologized to each other for the false accusations. I asked them to admit their part in what had happened and they did – with smiles on their faces this time, instead of fear. They hugged each other, gave me kisses, and in that instant – it was over.
As I put them to bed and settled into my own, I replayed it all again in my head. And though it was a simple example with small consequences, I couldn’t help but see myself and the rest of us in their childish, but oh so human, example. So often, when we fail or falter, the last thing we want to do is accept responsibility.
How can I make this not my fault? Instinctually, we look for anyone around us that we can shine the spotlight and cast the blame on.
She did it.
He told me to.
She made me.
It’s not my fault.
But life will teach us this lesson well. We do ourselves no favors by pointing fingers at someone else – or even worse, sticking our heads in the sand, ignoring the power we have and the role we play in our own lives.
More and more, I’m learning the immense power of my choices, both good and bad, to shape my life and experience. Regardless of what anyone else did or does, I am responsible for me. You are responsible for you. And each of us will find our freedom hidden in the hardest words.
I made the choice.
I played my part.
I did it. No one made me.
I am responsible for my actions.
Even typing that list made my stomach turn a little. But in truth, this is awesome news. Because if our choices were powerful enough to get us where we are, then they’re also strong enough to take us where we want to be.
If avoiding the hardest words will cause us pain, or keep us from where we’re meant to be, then embracing them will end it and move us forward…in an instant.
This Post Has 7 Comments
Comments are closed.
powerful indeed. and it spoke to me, we JUST went through this over the weekend, and the boyo had no idea how much power he had to hurt the people who love him. i think he got it. i know i did.
this fantastic article with its four steps to genuine apology really helped us, and it’s continued to be awesome at work and with other adults in my life!
I’m sorry for…
This is wrong because…
In the future, I will…
Will you forgive me?
(from: http://www.cuppacocoa.com/a-better-way-to-say-sorry/
thank you for your words!
Thanks, Sandy – that’s GREAT input! I believe those steps will help a lot of people. Thanks for passing them along. I saw that you subscribed as well. Will be great to have your perspective on future posts! :)
This is something I’ve come to realize, as well. As much as I want to blame the economy, or this or that or whatever, in the end, it all comes down to the choices I’ve made.
Insightful post. Thanks for sharing!
My heart leapt when I read this, Cynthia. When you ‘get it’, good things are around the corner. Good for you. Thanks for reading and for your comment. :)
It is nice when the moments that teach the children what they MUST know are also reminds to us of what we sometimes forget. Brilliant, Chance.
Beautifully stated, Chance. I love the words, “Regardless of what anyone else did or does, I am responsible for me. You are responsible for you.” I believe that is one of the most powerful, yet freeing truths for all of us to embrace!
Thanks again,
Lisa Murray
Well said … and so true! Treasure those moments … blink and those sweet girls will be in their 20’s. : )