Last week, I was catching up on some emails after Jen and I put the girls to bed. About an hour later, Jalen got up to go potty and she came in to cuddle with me before she headed back. That’s not technically allowed, but these moments are growing rarer with each passing day, so I wasn’t about to deny her. I closed my computer and set it to the side. Half asleep, she crawled into my arms, closed her eyes and began to drift. Who was this way too big 6-year old curled up in my arms? How did we get here? In that moment, I recounted how much she’d grown and changed in these short years. A happy thought and a sad one too.
I held her for a few minutes more and sang her favorite bedtime song. Jalen opened her eyes and smiled as I sang. When the song was finished, she sat up and gave me one of those hugs you wait for as a parent. Before I sent her off to bed, I looked her deep in the eyes and said, “Jalenboo, I could make a BIG ole list of all the ways you’re special. Do you know that?”
She grinned.
“Do you know it for yourself?”
She nodded, but didn’t answer.
“C’mon…I wanna know. What makes you really special?”
She looked off to the side, thinking about it. Then she turned back to me and said in a quiet voice, “Well…I like that I’m a good friend, Daddy…because…I want to be a helper for them.” She began talking faster now. “Cuz you know, sometimes your friend is sad and you wanna help them be happy? And sometimes they get hurt and you can take care of them and they feel better. And sometimes, they’re building something tall, but they need some help to do it? I like being a helper for them.”
I don’t know what I expected her to say. Maybe something about her hair or how pretty her eyes are. Maybe something about how she sings and makes up songs, or the way she paints. But her answer surprised me, in the best way. And in the days since, I can’t get her words out of my head. “I like that I’m a good friend. I want to be a helper for them.”
Something about that stirs my heart every time I think about it. I mean, what in the heck else is there to strive for? What else are we doing that’s so important? What would make someone more special than to be a good friend and a helper to the world around them? I want to be like that too.
I want to be a helper to those around me.
To bring laughter where there are tears,
Healing where there’s pain,
Courage where there’s fear,
I want to listen when there’s sadness,
And help others find the goodness in what is
Even as they hope for what could be.
More than most anything, I want to help those in my care to build something beyond their reach.
To help them see that maybe their silly dreams aren’t so silly after all,
To help them imagine what they can’t see yet,
Know what they don’t know yet,
And believe beyond their own belief.
These days, most of the time, I’m the teacher. But now and then, I get to be the student and I realize all over again, my kid has a lot to teach me.
Like Daughter…Like Father.
I want to be a good friend. I want to be a helper for them.
How about you?
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Children cut to the chase don’t they?!
I looked at your daughter’s answer and your thoughts –
and Yes – how else does one live out a life of love?
Asking children real questions can mine out gems.
I asked my 3 year old granddaughter “Faithy, what is family?”
Her answer?
“FOR each other”
Out of the mouths . . .
Great story Chance. Our girls are 10 and 8. I love those moments, too. I pray they are better than me, love people deeper than me and follow God harder than me.
Thanks for a peak into your life!
Always, always you share a personal moment and help us all relate. What a beautiful moment between the two of you and your ability to share it and inspire others is fantastic.
being a friend and inspiring others…what a perfect father daughter collaboration!
Thank you for these words, Shanna. Very encouraging and very kind of you to take the time.
Nice post Chance. Your reflection reminded me of the prayer of St. Francis.
Lord, make me an instrument of Your peace;
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is discord, harmony;
Where there is error, truth;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O Divine Master, Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.
Thanks for passing this on. I’ve read many of his writings, but never this one. How beautiful!
I hope your daughter(s) never stops surprising you in that way…
What a kind wish. I hope that too, Felipe.