A dear friend of ours came over tonight and we laughed our way through dinner with the girls. After she left, I turned on the television and was swept into So You Think You Can Dance. I’m a total sucker for reality TV, especially competition-based shows. I’m always inspired to see people give everything they’ve got for the chance to change their lives. I watched in amazement, as one of the dancers gave an incredible performance. And when it was over, I looked up to make sure Jennifer hadn’t missed it.
I was surprised to see her crying.
“Are you okay?”
She looked up from her computer screen and burst into tears. Then she read to me something that gripped my heart.
A friend of a friend passed away today from cancer. We didn’t know him personally, but he lived right down the street from us. He was a young guy, a drummer and a father. We could tell by his wife’s gut wrenching words that he was an exceptional man – a devoted husband and friend and an engaged father to his young child. The cancer was aggressive and fast. It sent his family into a tailspin for the last few months of his life.
One day he was a picture of health. The next, he was sick.
One day he was optimistic he’d be cured. The next, he struggled to stay hopeful.
One day he was living his dream. The next, his dream was simply to live…one more day and then another.
One day he was here. The next, he was gone.
It’s so easy to get caught up in my own pain and problems – my own life and loved ones. But I’m keenly aware in this moment that life is taking each of us on our own journey. And I’m challenged to not get so wrapped up in my own story that I miss what’s going on in yours.
Tonight, a wife will sleep in her bed alone for the first of many nights to come.
A mother and father are making plans to bury their son and asking themselves, “Why?”.
A little girl is going to bed without her Daddy tucking her in. I wonder if she understands.
Brokenness. Sorrow. Grief. Maddening Loss and Pain – all happening right down the street from me while I watch TV and cruise Facebook. My heart breaks for them tonight – and I’m thankful for the pain. Sometimes it’s good to have our hearts break a little. Sometimes it’s good to shed a tear for someone else’s hurt. It reminds us what we have. It reminds us what we can do.
Friends, I’m writing this post to challenge you and myself to a covert mission. There are so many people within our reach who need to know they’re not forgotten. Sometime within the next week, let’s each find one person who is in a tough season – and love them. That’s it. It doesn’t have to be the grandest gesture ever made. Just do what you can.
Sometimes love looks a lot like service – yard work, a meal, picking the kids up from school, a grocery run. Sometimes it comes as a hand on your shoulder or a handwritten note with simple, heartfelt words. Sometimes it comes as an unexpected gift card or check – or simply having someone listen to you rant without trying to fix you.
Anyone who has lived through a personal tragedy or loss will tell you the comment you hear the most is, “If there’s anything I can do, let me know. I’m here for you”. Though well meaning, there’s a big problem with this offer. It assumes you know what you need. The truth is sometimes we become so distracted, numb and confused, it’s hard to even think about what we need, though the list would be long if we could. It feels overwhelming to even consider, so most people politely refuse and do the best they can on their own.
Knowing that, let’s look closely enough to identify a need we see on our own – or one we think we’d experience were we in the same situation. Then make it our mission to meet it.
Who is someone within your reach that’s hurting or in need? How can you help them? If you can answer those two questions, you are meant to join in. One Person, One Need, One Week. It’s not that big of an imposition for us individually, but a small effort from us could do a world of good for someone else.
If ever I hoped a post would spread like wildfire, it’s this one. Let’s make this post more than just words on a page. Spread the word and comment below letting us know the need you see and how you’re gonna meet it. Imagine what we’d accomplish together if every person who reads this follows through.
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Our new neighbor across the street is a young mom to two young girls. They just lost their dog last week and her husband had to go out of town for work the next day. I am going to make sure she gets a card and flowers this week and check on her over the next three weeks while her spouse is gone! Great post as usual Chance!
I love how wide you go …not just kuz you make me go wide too ..but kuz you break it open even wider ..I love it!!
Was doing the church bulletin and added your paragraph about What Love Look Like, hope that is okay. I also gave your website address so they can go and read the whole article. We are trying to get more personal visitation done and your article is very timely to us. Thank you so much for it.
Cheers, Chance! Gonna visit my widowed neighbor, accompanied by my four happy children, weekly (like get a weekly date on our calendar), so we can all have a little more fun to look forward to. I know she is lonely and I forget to remember that. Thanks for this post.
That’s GREAT, Ashley! Let yourself off the hook for a regular visit – it will probably feel like a “have to” instead of a “want to”. Do it this once and do it again if the value you see inspires you to want to do it again. I’m fighting the same tendency in myself to want to commit fully to it and invest in every need I see…If you’re like me, guilt and burn out may follow. Let’s just do the thing we see to do today and take it from there. :)
Great story Chance. I’m making it a point to visit a recent widow every week. I bring her flowers or lunch or cookies and we just visit for an hour or so. It is wonderful to hear her talk about her family and she just lights up- Very important to be in touch with our elderly who may be alone. Just going an extra step or two is all it takes. xoxo, Claudia
LOVE this. The elderly are so often the ones who are overlooked. This is GREAT!
This post has inspired me to go out into my neighborhood and meet my neighbors. Maybe I can be of some help to someone.
Ya know what, Nancy? It did the same for me. I don’t know many of my neighbors. This experience makes me want to make a better effort.
This is one of the best blog posts I’ve ever read.
Here’s to hoping it catches like wildfire.
Fingers crossed. Over a thousand shares so far. Solid start. :)
Great article and so true. Since my mom died of cancer when I was 15, I think I understand what you are writing about. Jesus was our example: slow down and look a person in his/her eyes and talk to them. Thanks for this article and I hope people read it and DO something good for people.
You said it – DO something.
Chance, what a great reminder. Thank you. If my painting “Mine For A Moment” would be a comfort to the family, I’d be happy to send them a lithograph of it. I can’t imagine losing Nate.
Here’s the site about the painting: http://mineforamoment.com.
BEAUTIFUL work, Kelly! I will pass it on. What a kind gesture!
My sister recently lost her husband. I checked on her a lot at first but have kind of gotten away from that. I am going to invite her to dinner and give her a chance to talk, laugh, cry, whatever she needs to do.
Chance,
I seldom read your stuff. Nothing personal, I just haven’t really been aware of it much and I’m fairly busy writing my own stuff. But this was very moving. I’ve been homeless since 2008, except for one 9 month stretch, right here in Williamson County. I’ve been ignored, scoffed at, ignored, verbally beaten for it…oh yeah and ignored. Not by everyone, but by almost everyone. Not an email, not a phone call, not a cup of coffee. I didn’t drink or drug my way into homelessness. I didn’t gamble away the house note. I was a mortgage broker and the company I worked for for ten years folded. Just like millions of others, 312 resumes later and I have yet to find a job. Just two weeks ago I was hired and within five days the offer withdrawn because of a hiring freeze. I can’t tell you how this hurts. How I feel like I have been hit with a board. Like my compass is broken and True North is nowhere to be found. In all this, I never hoped anyone would fix it for me…just that they’d not leave me alone in it. But that’s what I got. Between the Bumper sticker Theology, the crudeness of the “Just go get a job” commentary (apparently me and the other 89 million 990,000 people out of work are all lazy) and the screaming silence of nobody asking how things are going, how my daughter is holding up (I’m a dad) and how strong my faith is, I’m about through with Christianity. At least the local version. I hope your readers will take your post to heart. And not just for the next three days while the impact is fresh. Every single minute of every single day someone right next to you is hurting. Badly. Sometimes nothing feels better than a familiar voice calling your name. Days and weeks of isolating loneliness and grief can make you forget you’re even a person.
Thanks for your words.
Craig, I’m sorry you’ve been ignored. Most of all, I’m sorry we live in PA because I’d like nothing more than to invite you to our home. Not that I can offer you a job, because I can’t. But I could offer you a table, food, and conversation. I will be praying for you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Rachel…I’m a PA native and miss it every second of every day.
Craig,
I think what has happened to you is all too common right now and that we have become so isolated in our own little worlds that we fail to even see the hurt and need around us. I hope you won’t give up, on God or yourself.
Craig,
Please email me. I may be able to help with your job hunt!
Duncans116@yahoo.com
My mother died almost 4 months ago. It’s been the single most difficult, most traumatic event of my 42 years of life, larger even than the death of my nephew through a farming accident. There isn’t a day in which I don’t think of her. I’m mourning the passing of summer for the absence of the yellow and black butterflies and dragonflies which remind me of her life. I must confess there are moments when I still look at facebook stati recorded by people who know nothing of loss and become frustrated at their la-de-da attitude about life. I want to scream through the computer at them and say, “Don’t you know how quickly life changes? All it takes is one last breath, and life as you know it is never the same!” Thank you for another great blog post!
Awesome heart here Chance! Love it! Very challenging and moving!