About a month ago, I was driving behind a truck on the expressway when its tire kicked up a rock and hit my car. The sound almost made me jump out of skin. And then I saw it. In the bottom left hand corner of my windshield, there was a crack. It was small, but it would soon teach me a big lesson.
For the first few days, it’s all I thought about when I was in my car. It was right in my face. It seemed to be staring at me. But within a few days, it began to fade into the background. A week later, and I’d all but forgotten it was there. I rarely noticed it.
The morning after our first night of chilly weather, I walked out to my car and discovered that it had spread. A hairline crack stretched from one side of my windshield to the other. At various points along the way, it ventured off, creating a glass spider web. Ugh. Now I was mad.
For the next few days, it was the first thing I noticed every single time I blinked. No matter where I looked as I drove, it taunted me and contorted my view. I couldn’t wait to have it fixed now, but I’d need to delay just a while longer. I had a lot on my plate, so I planned to take my car in the following week.
But in those few short days, I grew accustomed to the cracks in my window. I compensated for them. I accepted them and the distorted view that came with them. What had once been an obvious, irritating distraction became familiar enough that I looked right past it. It was almost like it wasn’t there.
But it was there.
An obvious lesson here is that when we ignore small problems, they grow bigger and spread.
When we avoid paying the smaller cost today, we’ll likely pay a larger one tomorrow.
But there’s an even more important lesson for me. Maybe for you too.
You guys, my mind and eyes adjusted so quickly to my bad situation that I no longer even saw things as they were. I ignored the problem so well that I didn’t see the thing right in front of my face obstructing my view. I looked past it, even as it worsened. It became normal to me.
My Dad always used to ask me, “Where else does that show up in your life?” So I couldn’t help but ask myself –
Where else am I looking at my life through broken glass?
Good and bad, what’s true about me that I refuse to see?
What’s in my way that’s obvious to everyone but me?
These are painful questions to wrestle with, and trust me, I’m aching having gone a few rounds with them. But who wants to live a life seeing things as they aren’t?
I have a friend who’s in the middle of a divorce. She was afraid she’d be alone forever, so she said yes to the first man who asked her. Unfortunately, he was the wrong man. “He’s a work in progress”, she told herself and anyone who objected. In their short marriage, he cheated on her with multiple women and left her with debt and a broken heart. Starting over with almost nothing, she admits now that the signs were all around her. She just never let herself see them.
Another friend has had a long, hard journey with his health. Misdiagnosed and suffering for years, he lost hope that he’d ever truly be well. But about a year ago, he found a specialist and has rebounded. He’s like a new man. Everyone around him marvels at his progress. Everyone, but him. Inside, he’s still convinced he’s doomed. He doesn’t see himself or his circumstances as they truly are. How could he? He’s still looking at his life through a uniquely broken lens.
Aren’t we all? Our challenge is to not ignore what’s broken.
If life isn’t shaping up as you’d hoped –
If you’ve been circling back to the same person or problem again and again –
If you’re in a destructive relationship – especially if it’s with yourself –
maybe you’ve got a crack in your window.
Maybe there’s something right in front of you obstructing your view,
keeping you from seeing things as they really are,
keeping you from being who you were meant to be.
What is it? It’s not a mystery. It’s in plain sight. Once we name it, we can deal with it and move on. So, go a few rounds with these questions that are taking me to the mat.
Am I looking at my life through a broken lens?
What does it keep me from seeing about myself?
What am I denying about the circumstances I’ve created?
What old pain have I grown accustomed to and embraced?
What if I laid it down?
What would be possible if you could see yourself and your circumstances as they truly are?
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Another greatly reflective piece that applies to us all. Thank you for helping me remember that I’m not as weird, complicated, or messed up as I feel I often am. I just need to look truly at what is before me, and within me. It’s like the fog that lifted from my eyes/perspective/experiences etc… once I stopped drinking. Painful realities can be soothed by careful attention. Good work Chance, thanks!
I was really glad to hear this post was being read by so many people you defiantly have a great art for recognizing things and writing about them. You make me feel that maybe I’m not as complicated as I think I am.
Currently my studies and work are in the mental health field. Not sure where exactly my future is going with that but it has forced me to take two steps back and say “hey, look at what’s in front of you.”(: It’s like we have all these hours of light that offer us the possibility of seeing, feeling, and experiencing something for the first time and it’s all right in front of us.
One of the things at the clinic I work at that breaks my heart over and over again about a sad person is, they could walk around all day long and no-one would even notice. You would think the more details of our daily lives we hand over to effortless the more power our minds have to be open. Personally I had to blunder through many years before I realized the extent to which I was a mere walking bundle of habits. I think being more aware of what we are doing we see more because it increases our capacity to make the most of our senses too and we notice and embrace more than just the ordinary.
Can’t wait to see (haha) what has shaped your ideas in your post. c:
Chance, this is great stuff! Lots of questions that–I’m sure–I will need to ponder at length.
One line stuck out to me: “When we avoid paying the smaller cost today, we’ll likely pay a larger one tomorrow.” I can certainly see that in my life.
Thanks so much for sharing.
Daphne
I did this a few months back. I made a 180° turn in my life, left my job, place of residence (for most of the past 40 years), my church and friends. I didn’t move far, about 200 miles, but it was just far enough to shake things up.
I love my new life! I am learning day by day to trust God more. I no longer allow my life to live me; I live my life!
Thank you for this blog, and God bless you!
Wow, Donna. That’s a BOLD move! I love it! Day to day, 200 miles is a whole new life. Good for you for taking the chance. So happy for you that it’s working out so well!!
After reading this post I spent some time trying to figure out what is the biggest thing in my current circumstances that I don’t notice. What finally came to my mind was rather painful – the truth is I let people use me. Every time it happened I tried to make myself believe I was just helping out, but with every “I’m going to a birthday party/volleyball game/movies. Can you work my hours?” it became more and more obvious that it had nothing to do with helping people. Canceling my plans, neglecting some of my work to let people skip work and have fun wasn’t good for anyone. The more I did it, the more they wanted. From about once a month it went up to once or twice a week. Yesterday I said ‘no’, went through the storm of two people’s judgment and some whispering behind my back that I overheard accidentally…. and after all it felt good. From now on I’ll try not to forget the difference between helping someone and being used. I’ll also keep working on finding out what other things I look at through a broken glass.
Since I started reading your blog, Chance, I’ve made myself to stir things in my life that were left untouched for long. That stirring has been painful sometimes but it did my good. Things start changing for the better and I’m loving every minute of this journey.
Great post. It’s so easy to ignore things. And if you ignore them long enough you don’t even see them anymore until the day the glass shatters. My kids (16-25) are pretty good at helping me see thing I might otherwise not notice!
Chance,
Once again, great post! Many times we ignore the problem because there doesn’t seem to be a good solution, so we learn to live with it. An ongoing struggle for most of us. It reminded me of this: with every challenge there are several possibilities of solutions. Putting our head in the sand and ignoring the problem does not allow us to plan a solution. We have a choice to ignore it and allow it to get worse, or make a plan to solve it. Thanks for your insight!
Kuddos! They just mentioned on TV, a study that women that initially questioned whether they should marry the man that became their husband, had a 45% divorce rate.
Chance,
Excellent insight! People who know and practice this truth live well even
in the hard times. Beautifully written.
Keep it up, my Chance.
Jan